Day 50 to 50 years

50 days until I turn 50 years old. I don’t feel 50. I don’t think I look 50

. But then I see someone that looks waaaaaay better than I,and they are 50 or more, I know my perspective must be off, when it comes to myself.

My parents were older , 33 and 34, when they got me.

Not really that ‘old , especially now that so many start so late, but compared to the parents my brothers had, and my friends had,and my kids had, they were  pretty old. At 12 years old my parents were 45 46. When Lee was 12.  I was 31. Brian 12,  I was 33. Evan I was 38.

Heck, my first grandchildren were born before I was 45.

When my brother Mike,  turned 50,  11 years ago,  I gave him hell, because that is what little younger sisters are suppose to do, not because I thought him to be old.  Mike has played in bands, lived in Austin, wore his hair a bit too long, always wore jeans and tennis shoes, been fit (never fat) traveled, stayed up late, never had kids…. maybe that is why he has never aged much. 🙂

My perspective of age seems to be ‘off’. Keith and I often will see a someone we have gone to school with and be aghast because they look way older than we and even our 10 year older siblings. We then wonder if we are blinded by our old aged eyes and can’t really see our ancient-ness.   I just don’t feel like we are any older. Keith is the same guy today as he was 32 years ago. 

 Maybe glasses are needed?

I look at pictures of my mom at 53, my grandmother in her early 80’s, me at 20.  Even my grandmother does not look THAT old! Mom does not look the ancient one, my Jr. High mind made her to be, 8 years prior, and she is 3 year’s older than I am about to be.

I look at my mom at 33, her baby’s first EasterCompared to the same for me, except my being 26– I see my perspective is askew.  Mom was not an OLD looking mom, she was beautiful. 

The saying of being as old as you feel seems to fit me well.

I think of myself as not quite 20. Not because I ‘look’ that young, but I just think that immaturely.

A really weird thing about this messed up perspective is that I  feel intimidated by those older than my mind age, yet younger than my real age. My son’s for instance.   It  is CRAZY, to me that these are my sons, they all are so much older than I!.

Unlike when I was horrified at becoming 30, becoming 50 is liberating! I am about to be all grown up! People will listen to me.  Respect me as an  elder. (yeah right)

Being 50 and not looking my idea of a 50 year old is invigorating, a bit sexifying.

I’s important!

My confidence is growing, I can feel it!

It is like I have reached the top of the hill, and the rest of this journey, though a shorter trip, than the getting to the top, it is going to down now, it will be faster, more coasting, and more fun.

Wind blowing in my face, maybe a few bumps in the road, some mud, I might bounce around a bit, but I got a firm grip, and the hard ride up is over, I got plenty of gas, and the real fun part is just beginning!,