Posted in 50 in 50 days, Family

AMAZING 50 Celebration

50 happened! And happened and happened!!

I have had birthday celebrations in the past. Easter theme usually, Scan 200with egg hunts and pin the tail on the bunny. Scan 205

Scan 204Scan 203If it was not my year to have lots of friend s overScan 206(I don’t know the ‘rule’ for ‘friend parties, sometimes did and sometimes didnt’)t we would celebrate with family.Scan 207Scan 210Always had a cake Scan 201and presents. Scan 208 Being close to EasterScan 209a lot of the time we would be with my grandparents, and my Pawpa and  would celebrate together, his birthday was the 3rd. And a few times Aunt Mary Lee joined us too, since her birthday was the 8th.Scan 199

I had my first slumber party when I was 10, I think, then another when I turned 13. My big party and last party mom and dad threw me was 16. Kirk’s band came to play, set up in the living room-Scan 212 A bunch of kids came,a lot I didn’t invite,  hid beer in the back yard ( I did not drink) and smoked joints around the side of the house. Mom and Dad were even there, somewhere, choosing to be oblivious , but still taking pictures. I can admit this stuff now I AM 50!Scan 211

No party  can top what Keith just conspired for my 50! . I suppose he took my saying he had to do it big and that I did not think he would be able to surprise me, as a challenge– And he won.

First he brought Bio Mom and Sister in Thursday. SURPRISE!!!!! This was beyond enough!!. I was sure my time with them would be the IT of the celebration, visiting with them on Friday and seeing them off Saturday- Friday, we went shopping, eating lunch, just being together, we three, for the first time ever in my 50 years.  Keith had plans for us to go to the Petroleum Club, special arrangements because we are not members. We girls though decided the Petroleum club was just too TOO. None of us, were looking forward to ‘dressing’ for dinner. I hoped Keith would not have his feeling hurt when I asked for a venue change. He was great about it, found the one other place in town that takes reservations and got us in. We girls went and sat in the bar a bit before he came. When we went in we told them we had reservations but would wait in the bar, they responded with “For 14?” I said not unless he is doing something else– The ‘girls’  denied anything else was happening This restaurant mistake really worked for Keith.

We had our meal very relaxed, joked about the 14 reservation, Keith saying basically ‘This is it” Me saying having Bio and Sister was more than enough. I then had to convince Bio and Sis to come out to the house, so we could visit some more- Even though we were working on trying to convince them to stay another day. They decided to come and Sis was going to use my computer to show me some picts on FB she had. We were in separate cars, I stayed with Bio and Sis for the ride home. I was in the back of Sis’s car reading a People Magazine and chatting, looking up every now and then to be amazed at how well Bio was navigating a car and area she did not know.  We were part way up our long drive before I looked up and saw the line of cars and jillions of people standing on my front porch.Image  I said ‘Shit.”  Bio says I actually said “Shee-at”. Image 3    Then I turned around and walking up behind me was my brother Mike- Who had texted his apologies to me earlier, saying he wished he could have been there to meet Bio and Sis, but just could not get a way—- I cried again- Surprise!   It took me about 20 minutes of Birthday Greetings and Were You Surprised? to notice that everyone was dressed 70’s, or 60’s or 2013. 😉 All pretty much the same. 100_3451 Image 5 Image 6 Image 8 Image 9 For me too- Born in the 60’s ‘lived’ in the 70’s and again in 2013.

I am blessed beyond measure and my 50th is proof- A husband who wants to do all of this for me. EVERYONE adores him and knows and tells how amazing he is- Could not be a better man, for ME. My family, my kids (adults) are my bests, the are my friends, they WANT to be with me- My ‘girls’ really are MY girls they set up this thing for Keith, decorated, invited and entertained for ME. My grandkids and my ‘adopted’ grandkids waiting as excited for my birthday as they are for their own. My brother, the only other of ‘us’ left, is left. He loves me and wants for me , he adores my family and my family loves him.  All of those who came to celebrate my party, those who could not attend who wanted to know how it all went– I got friends, I really do! And Bio and Sis, and beyond them, a call from Bio Brother, Aunts and Uncles who wanted to come- They wanted to celebrate, my birth 50 years later, with me– Wow–

50 years of blessing’s sure looks good to me!Image 10

Posted in 50 in 50 days

The Bestest Birthday Gift ! 12 hours or so to 50

Tomorrow I will be 50!! Less than 2 hours to the 5th. Technically I wont be 50 until sometime in the afternoon.

I will be celebrating this birthday for the first time with my mother and my sister!! Yep you heard that right! And all thanks to Keith!

I told Keith I expected something BIG this year. And he did it.  Keith brought my Bio Mom in and my half sister, they showed up on my front porch this evening to eat dinner with me and my kids and grandkids, her grand kids and greats, her nephews and greats.

Keith would not tell me what, but something was going to happen this weekend.  Tuesday he told me we were having dinner at the house Thursday night, and then something else on my actual BDay Friday. Wednesday he bought rib eye for use to have dinner with the kids, and maybe some others. I told him I knew there would be more than just the kids, because we wouldn’t feed just the kids rib eye. He agreed, but nothing else.

Keith told me to have the house ready by 5, and get the beds ready in case some stay over. Keith came in at 4:30 and started getting the meat ready and I helped him with the salad. Keith got a call, then went out front, to meet whomever I guessed that much 😉 Then I saw Bio and Sis walking up with him. I knew them even though we have only seen each other about 3 times. I had prayed and dreamed of this. My first thought was “who do I know that looks like Bio and Sis?’ Then I wondered if I was suppose to just stand there looking out the window or pretend I had not seen them until they walked in or…. To hell with it, I am running out the door! “HE did this for me.” He did this for me” He brought you here.” I am hugging and crying– I DONT CRY– Hell with that too!  I am so happy so happy so happy on my happy happy birthday!!!!!

Pictures? Nope– not really- Keith has a couple of odd ones of us hugging, he thought he was filming– Old people can’t run these new fangled phones. I will steal those later.

No pictures of all the kids with them- But they are in my head. My heart is about to explode it is so full! My cup runneth over and over and over.! They saw other family members in the faces of my kids and grandkids. My kids saw me in their faces. Ahhhh to belong.

Bio Mom and Sister have gone back to their hotel room– I wish they had stayed here, but I think it is better for them to do it this way.  Probably as overwhelming for they as I , and I am in MY home.  Tomorrow we will go shopping, first time to be 50 and shop. First time to shop with my Bio Mom and Sister—  I can’t wait! I will never sleep.

Photo on 4-4-13 at 10.47 PM Photo on 4-4-13 at 10.49 PM Photo on 4-4-13 at 10.48 PM

Posted in 50 in 50 days

Mamie- One of My Moms-3 Days to 50

50 years ago God brought me in this world and  saw that I needed some help.. He knew two of my mothers just could not, or would not, be what He needed them to be, for me. 1. BioMom. 2.Mom. So he gave me two more ‘Mom’s’ Mamie and Mamaw (my Mom’s mother)– This is the story of Mamie.

My dad was a football coach the first five years of my life,  in De Leon. Dad retired coaching and went into his ‘masters’ and taught math and principled, and we left DeLeon.  My mom taught grade school .  I was pretty much ‘raised’ by others, except in the summers.  I was adopted in April, and I believe my grandmother took care of me until the end of the school year in May, then we moved from Borger to DeLeon. Mom and Dad, had me my first summer of 63 ,and all the summers of my life. I think Mom may have had a perforated ulcer that summer, or maybe just before, so she was probably convalescing during that time and not doing a lot of ‘bonding’.

Mom was not the ‘motherly’ type, not the housewife type, not the submissive wife type.  Mom did not cook breakfast, ever, that I recall. Lunch was sandwiches. Dinner was ‘Supper’ during the week, and it was probably out of a can, or a T.V dinner or another sandwich. We did have Sunday dinner, either canned ham, or meatloaf, or BBQ chicken(chicken with bbq sauce poured over it and put in oven) These meals are remembered AFTER De Leon. I honestly do not remember any meals in my De Leon home . Pretty sure I ate, but I can’t promise anything.  I only have 3 real memories of myself in the house in DeLeon- Sitting in the sandbox outside, watching Dad pick peaches off of a tree. Being stuck to the carpet by a wire doll necklace that was piercing my finger, everyone had gone outside, I thought I would bleed to death ;). Sitting in the hall by the back door looking through my toy box for my favorite doll, and Mom telling me she threw it away, cause it was dirty.

Most of my first five years were spent at Mamie’s house. Mamie Wilkerson was my baby sitter, my care giver, my nearly Mom. I spent September through May, Monday through Friday, 7 AM to 5PM with her. When I was an infant I spent some Friday nights with her, while my Dad coached, my Mom supported, my Kirk ran the bleachers, and my Mike played the tuba. Mamie had me 10 hours a day, 5 days a week. I learned to walk with Mamie, learned to talk with Mamie. Mamie’s husband, ‘Pop’ died just after I turned 2, so I don’t remember him, Mamie said I would sit in his big chair with him and he would sing me songs and blow smoke rings and count them.  Toddler antic stories of me are from Mamie. Pulling toilet paper through out the house, me in my walker.Going to help Mamie pull down the laundry ,in the snow, me putting on my own coat and zipping it up, but forgetting to put on my shoes.  Mamie fed me breakfast, lunch and sometimes dinner. Cooked eggs. Snapped green beans, made a pot for lunch. Mamie would make a batch of peanut brittle every week (De Leon is peanut country), grease up the linoleum table with butter and pour the hot liquid out onto it, and when it cooled would have DeWayne (her great-nephew, who some times stayed) and I break it up. Sometimes the sugar shards would poke my fingers and make them bleed. I learned to cook from Mamie. Mamie and I would walk downtown to the store for groceries. Mamie did not drive, but really did not need to. I learned to do, to make do, to do for yourself.  If she needed to go further, she would call her daughter and she would take us. Mamie worked in the nursery at the Baptist church, sometimes I would go with her, if my parents had some school event or ?. In the front room of Mamie’s house was this picture.51FcTqe1xLLIt kind of scared me, the darkness and the children being alone, Mamie found me crying about them one afternoon at nap time. Mamie is who taught me no matter how dark things get, and they will get dark, or how alone I feel, I am protected, I am not alone, ever.  My up to 5 memories are at Mamie’s with Mamie.

Scan 197
Don’t know her, Kirk,Mike, DLana,Dwayne,Me
Scan 196

I have pictures of birthdays 1,2,3,4,5  , but the only birthday party I actually remember, prior to moving to Abilene is with Mamie. In her house. My family was invited ;). Bill, Mamies son,  his wife Shirley, Mamie’s granddaughter DLana, and grandson , who was also Kirks best friend ,Marnie were there, and of course DWayne. I wore my favorite short suit, denim mid drift with red bandana ruffle and matching shorts. I remember swapping between Dad and ‘Uncle’ Bill’s laps and watching the water condense on the outside of the metal tea glasses, as everyone sat around and talked and laughed. I learned to be a hostess,and to enjoy family times.

I looked up Mamie on Find a I found some details I did not know about her. Mamie was 15 when she married to Riley, who was 30. I know now why he died, it was time for him. Mamie was 61, when she started caring for me, grandmother age, she kept me till she was 66. Details, that don’t change the impact she made on my life. Details that do show me education, money, genetics, prestige, refinement,age, those are not what matters. It is the heart, it is the soul, it is the want to love and care, and instill character for a child, even one that is not your own, that makes a mother.   Everything I needed to know I learned before Kindergarten with Mamie. 😉

Posted in 50 in 50 days, Exhort Pray Praise...

April Fool? 5 days to 50

It is April Fools day- Which to me always means my birthday is just around the corner– YIPEEEEEE.

I have survived a few foolish things in my 50 years.  More than I remember. I have made unwise choices. >Things are Happenin...

Those foolish decisions I recall brought me injury. Physically and mentally. I have slide down driveways, skidded across a road in a bikini, had little leaches ALL over my body, bounced around in a rolling Pacer, had stitches from toe to heel, broken my wrist, lost my favorite white pants suit, spent the night cleaning up my best friends Jack reeking puke from my parents bedroom, said yes when I should have said no, said no when I should have said yes, sacrificed my integrity all to ‘belong’, trusted in man instead of God, said things out of anger, had 1,2,3,4 too many. ignored wise counsel, put it off till tomorrow, left the gate open, spoken when I should have kept quiet, been quiet when I should have spoken, got fat, flown across the room with greatest of ease, pet the wrong cat, taken a wrong step…….. I have been the fool.

Some of the foolishness I still deal with- The weight, the aches and pains from the breaks, those I have hurt with my words remember, I have scars from being a fool.

It has been said that to call someone a fool will send you to hell :

Matthew 5:22  But I say to you that whoever is angry with his brother without a cause shall be in danger of the judgment. And whoever says to his brother, ‘Raca!’ shall be in danger of the council. But whoever says, ‘You fool!’ shall be in danger of hell fire.

Those that use this scripture this way are wrong, fools.  Jesus is basically telling everyone to go the extra mile here. The Law still stands, still should be practiced, but not just to get brownie points. Not only do we not murder because the Law says, we love others, we curb our anger, our judgement, because we are lead by the Holy Spirit, because we believe in Jesus Christ as our Savior.

IF Burning in hell were the result of all who pointed out the foolishness of others, then David, Solomon, Peter, Paul and even God would all get scorched.

Psalm 14:1The fool says in his heart, “There is no God.” They are corrupt, their deeds are vile; there is no one who does good

Psalm 74:22Rise up, O God, and defend your cause; remember how fools mock you all day long

Psalm 92:6Senseless people do not know, fools do not understand

Proverbs 1:7The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge, but fools despise wisdom and instruction.
Proverbs 10:18Whoever conceals hatred with lying lips and spreads slander is a fool.

Proverbs 13:19A longing fulfilled is sweet to the soul, but fools detest turning from evil.

Proverbs 14:7Stay away from a fool, for you will not find knowledge on their lips.

Proverbs 15:7The lips of the wise spread knowledge, but the hearts of fools are not upright

Ezekiel 13:3This is what the Sovereign Lord says: Woe to the foolish prophets who follow their own spirit and have seen nothing!

Isaiah 32:6For fools speak folly, their hearts are bent on evil: They practice ungodliness and spread error concerning the Lord; the hungry they leave empty and from the thirsty they withhold water

Matthew 23:17You blind fools! Which is greater: the gold, or the temple that makes the gold sacred?

Luke 12:20“But God said to him, ‘You fool! This very night your life will be demanded from you. Then who will get what you have prepared for yourself?’

Galatians 3:1You foolish Galatians! Who has bewitched you? Before your very eyes Jesus Christ was clearly portrayed as crucified.

1 Peter 2:15For it is God’s will that by doing good you should silence the ignorant talk of foolish people.

1 Corinthians 15:36How foolish! What you sow does not come to life unless it dies

If I continued to choose foolishly, to not abide to my God, to stay stupid, to choose the world, MY way- I would be the condemned fool. If I did not know what a fool I am without Jesus Christ-My eternity would be HOT.

Posted in 50 in 50 days

More Than a Picture 10 days to 50

Scan 192This is Lilly Cavanaugh Kuykundall.It is written on the back of the photo.  Related to me somehow. I know this ,because my great grandmother’s maiden name was Kuykundall. Lilly is dressed well, has a kind face, but who Lilly actually IS I have no idea. Is she ; Fun? Honest? Believer? Sickly? Mean? Depressed?  There is no way of knowing who she is, there is no way of knowing whom anyone is from a photograph.

I have struck many a pose in my life. Many forms a dress, many hats I have worn. My ‘cover’ may reveal some of the content of a certain chapter of my life, but it does not tell whom I am. Not to a stranger. Those that know me, could look at pictures of me and possibly see a look that they have seen in ‘live’ action sc000f9a15 and know it to belong to a certain persona of mine. Most of those who know me, though ,probably look at these pictures and just get a glimpse of my ‘type’ of life.

I look at the pictures and know the reason behind the pose. Beyond it being for Easter with the cousins.Scan 185 I know this is trip to Corpus Christi to visit the cousins. I loved being with my cousin Julie, just nine months younger, and Fran, a couple of years ahead. Always wanted Fran to pay a bit more attention to me. Scan 177I know the hat I wore is still in my closet. My granddaughters want to put it on and wear it around. I love iris’ and their little yellow caterpillar insides. My Mamaw grew them well. It was her joy to have us with her Easter and to pose us in front of the flowers.

Scan 176. I look at pictures of my brother Kirk and think, if I did not know him, I would not know how he had lived. That he was a talented musician and artist. That he has a daughter who will soon have his first grandchild.  You can’t tell from pictures that he died too young. . I wish I could remember his hands on my shoulders.

I was so much younger than Mike and Kirk, and a girl,  I don’t have memories with doing a lot with my brothers ,don’t think I did.  Scan 144 I was a bit on my own, but never really lonely. I know they loved me. Scan 178We do have all of those times all dressed up and smiling together. Scan 175

Scan 142.A picture of girl in a brown dress does not tell you that she can not ride anything that goes in circles without tossing her cookies. The first time I knew  I could not spin, I was being pushed on the merry go round at church, in this dress.

Scan 156 This brown dress, shows me to be a  dutiful Brownie. Who joined a group activity and learned the verses and wore the uniform with pride. NOT. I can’t stand organized group activities. I don’t like wearing uniform, just so. To recite a verse ‘to belong’ is cheesy to me. Competing with others to get the most patches to do more activities than the others makes my throat tighten and my stomach churn. Not just for myself, but for the other who may not be able to beat me. I don’t want anyone to feel less, because of me. So I will not compete, I hate to compete.

I love to dress up. I love the gift of clothes. My mother taught me every event deserved a new dress. ChristmasScan 166

A new haircut Scan 165 Even if it was because I got gum stuck in it and had to have it all cut off.   .

Scan 13812 years of first day of school outfits

My grandparents returning from a vacation to Hawaii Scan 163  even Barbie received some new wear.  Scan 160

Scan 159Anytime I got all dressed up, around Mom and Dad, they would take a snap,Like they needed to immortalize the pretty, because it was so rare. I really didn’t know I was ‘pretty’ nor thin. I always thought of myself as a 6x, because I wore that size as a child.  I thought that X meant LARGE. My cousin couldn’t wear 6x and she was always a little smaller than I, I thought that was cause I was an amazon. Now I know it is because she is genetically an Akers with no shoulder span, and I am genetically a Dorsett/Gulick (german) and have broad shoulders.

Easter , of course,was another moment of posing,  from birth Scan 179till mom died ,I had a special easter/birthday dressScan 141, with a stuffed bunny or chick to go withScan 181. This time of the year in time for Easter,  in April I, have a bit of a ‘need’ to shop spring clothes, and pretty dresses. Mom would always always make sure I had my Easter/Birthday ensemble; a dress or two, hair ribbons, hose, ruffle socks, a hat, a purse. We shopped together, we splurged on me, together. This really was one annual mother daughter time we spent together. Mother could kill three birds in the spring, Easter, Birthday and Mother Daughter time. I loved it.

Band banquets. We did not get proms.  Scan 143Then I found a guy who did, and got to go to his prom Scan 133 I felt like the country bumpkin at his big ole school prom.

Then there are the years I performed. Scan 157 I looked like I could play.  I do know how to read music, I do know where the keys are.

Then there was dance. A little candleScan 170A wood nymph Scan 162 A dance teacher who told me I walked like a duck. She would call me out in front of all the girls as the example of what not to do.  I was 5. We had just moved from my safe small town, just me and my baby sitter ,Mamie life, to Abilene. I was  with others kids in kindergarten, after school program, teachers and ‘caregivers’ who did not know me for the first time. I was very afraid and lonely

Mother changed my dance to Mrs. OBrian. Scan 167Mrs OBrian would sit and talk with me, give me hot tea as we waited for my mother to arrive late, once a week. I loved my time with her. Mrs OBrian gave me a beautiful charm bracelet for my birthday.

Then came dance with Miss Maxine, in Slaton.  Scan 158I really wanted to be a ballerina.Scan 135Scan 171Started to see that I might be kind of cute. I could dance a bit. The girls in Slaton all grew up together, I was an ‘outsider’ I just did not get why it mattered to them where I lived. I learned much later, it was that competition thing, I just did not get.

Dance lead toScan 153  Twirling. Scan 154Not because I had a heart to dance, or felt the drive to just express myself with danceScan 161

Not because I had a great talent for spinning a metal rod. It was more because I was not cheerleader material. People liked me, I was cute enough, but I am not a cheerleader. Not a social monkey. I don’t compete. Take me or leave me kind of person. In my 7th grade year, Mom had this wonderful plan for me to be a twirler. I had never picked up a baton in my life. Mom paid for a few lessons for me. Talked to the band director (Dad was Jr. High Principle, Mom was 4th grade teacher so they are co workers). Set me up for try outs and sent me in. I got it. I think all of the girls who tried out got it.

I twirled for 6 years- Jr High and High School. I had 4 Band Directors.  I don’t think I had to try out again. But the competition was still there. Who was skinniest? Not me , but I was not fat, and I did need a bra, unlike….Who dropped the baton the most?Scan 136Me, cause I knew they would give me hell about it Who thought they were the prettiest? Not meScan 152Who was twirled the longest? Pam always claimed to be her, we started the same time, and she couldn’t twirl a few times because of grades so technically…. But who is counting? 😉 Who could be the biggest bitch?Not Me Who had the a date every Friday after the game and the biggest mum at homecoming? ME, JR. & SR yearScan 155

I look at ME in my pictures and I see who I have been,who I tried to be. DSCF3325 I know those times I look brave and courageous, I am really only being sustained and guided by  God.DSCF2078-3                                                                       I know how insecure I feltScan 139

I know how much people miss not knowing the ME I am and just assuming they do, cause they look at the cover. . IMG_3205I know how much I cared for those around me and how grateful I am to have them.Scan 182 I know how blessed I am. Scan 184I know there is a wonderful story about me, that God wroteImage 34 I want to be more than a picture.

Posted in 50 in 50 days

18 Days to 50 Years

Well I have not blogged all of my 50 to 50, but I have thought about it 😉 .  The days are dwindling quickly! I am sooooo excited..

Today (tonight) I am going to remember my 18th year, as best I can, for the 18th day away from 50.

18 was a HUGE year for me, I did just about everything in 1981.

I graduated from high school. Or I walked the stage when I was 18. Technically I graduated in December of 1980, and I was still 17. I only needed 2 credits to complete the requirements to graduate, at the beginning of my Senior year. It seemed such a waste of my time, to go all year long.  I did not like all the social ‘kid’ stuff of high school, I was a twirler because Mom wanted me to be. I was a decent student, passed everything, could have been ‘better’ but just did not see the point. I was bored. Keith and I were engaged in October when he moved to Lubbock to go to Tech. If we were not at school or working we were together.  I went in to the school councilor the first week of school and explained all of this to him. Mr Harmon said it could be done, to my and Keith’s joy and my parents surprise.  Mom’s biggest concern was that I ‘walk’ across the stage, – So I did.  Keith and I got off work a little early on Friday, raced home from work and grabbed our weekend wear, and I grabbed my cutest high heel shoes and we left for about 5 pm for the 2 hour drive to Lubbock to make my ceremony at 7:30.  We drove up to the church the ceremony was held in, I rolled up my jeans and put on my high heels, found my parents in the parking lot and got my cap and gown and NHS sash  and raced into the church and found my  S place amongst my classmates who were ready to line in.  Walking across the stage all the girls looked the sames. Like we all had fancy dresses underneath. grad girls-3 But I knew better, I had the cutest shoes and my guy.Scan 10.

I moved out of my home and got an apartment In MIDLAND Again, actually I was 17. Keith and I had come to Midland to visit his parents, in January. I had all intentions to go back to Lubbock and get some kind of full-time job. While in Midland though, I got a job, at the YMCA, making about 8$ an hour .WAY above minimum wage. Keith got a job too, right away. The boom was here, and everyone was hiring.  Just like now. I was straight out of high school and 17 and I got a full time job! Wow.

I met Rice’. Great friend for a long time.

I was hired for a receptionist with an oil service company, when 18- I made about 10$ an hour. REALLY unheard of anywhere else in the world. The bosses would take the office out periodically for ‘liquid’ lunches. To the country clubs etc. I was a ‘business woman’ a 9-5er, at 18 (and still had not ‘walked’ the graduation stage)Milchem Receptionist-2

I planned my wedding.

I had a ovarian cyst that became infected I had my first ‘exam’

We bought a turbo charged Capri.

I started grocery shopping for myself for the first time

I got married when I was 18. On the date we had originally planned, in July. Best day of my life.  Mom was so panicked when I turned 18 in April, living in Midland, with Keith. She was sure I would up and marry since I was ‘legal’. It is not like I hadn’t rushed anything else already 😉Scan 129

I wrote most of my thank you’s

3 Months after getting married, still 18, I became pregnant with our first.

We bought our mobile home

I got my first dog. Missy, a collie shepherd mix. Missy 1 was my family dog when I was a baby Muffin was the dog Mom and Dad brought home, and still had at their home. So technically Missy 2 was my first dog.

I went to Colorado, for honeymoon.

I had the largest creepiest most grotesque water bug crawl out of the toilet onto my leg one evening.

Went ‘home’ for Christmas for the first time. Went ‘home pregnant for the first time. Had Christmas married for the first time. Had Christmas pregnant for the first time.Scan 121

WOW!  Just about everything!

Posted in 50 in 50 days, Exhort Pray Praise...

I Made My Bed 25 days to 50

I woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning.

On our brand spankin new pricey mattress. This, Francesca T12,not feel like the Francesca T12 Keith and I laid upon in Sears, while passerby’s snickered, as we found our favorite sleeping positions, looking for our ‘just right’. This mattress is stiff, the pillowtop does not squish, unlike the store try..  We had shopped and shopped for the ‘feel’ that we had experienced in a favorite stay of ours, Country Inn and Cottage #1.   The bad ‘wake’ this AM could also be that I woke, often, thinking about the bed being ‘different’.  😉   I figure a few more nights and I will get used to it. Maybe it is like a new pair of shoes or jeans, you gotta wear a bit till they form to you and become a ‘fit’. Seeing that we both woke up pain free, it is probably exactly what is needed. Just not what I expected.

I find I do not need the same as I want, or expect, most of the time. I am not complaining, just saying.It is about being content. Accepting ‘it’ as it is. A saying one daughter in-law taught the ‘grand’s is “You get what you get and you don’t throw a fit.” That is being content. Being satisfied. Knowing this is how it is, and move on without bitching and moaning about it. Though,it is not necessarily accepting that things can not be changed or even bettered.   Content. Hebrews 13:5 Let your conduct be without covetousness; be content with such things as you have. Not to want MORE, but to be pleased with what you have. Counting it all joyJames 1:2 My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials,

The trick of this content business is realizing what I have and if I need to ‘better’ it, without being discontent. . What should I not accept?What should I not be satisfied with? How do I know the difference between what I really, really ,want and don’t need and what I really ,really need, and may or may not want? What I should endure for the better of me? What I must change for the best? Being satisfied with who and what I am today, yet striving to be better tomorrow.

I have never wanted to live in Midland, yet I am satisfied here, I actually have come to the place that I don’t want to leave here. I have my home that God built, my children and grandchildren all live here, I am content.. The medical, the shopping, the terrain,the climate,the social life (lack of),the schools…I have learned that I can adjust to, I can acclimate, I can enjoy vacations away all the more.  I know what is better, and how and where to get it, because I see the worse .

I am content with being gluten free. I am thankful each time someone has enough symptoms from gluten they become gluten free. It is a blessing to get off of wheat. I am not satisfied with gluten in our food. I am not satisfied with having to eat ‘special’ to be gluten free. So I strive to thrust gluten free living on the world.

My house I am satisfied with. Heck, I was satisfied with the mobile home I lived in 30 years ago. I work on making it better everyday though. Cleaning, decorating, repairing, upgrading. We sold a house we were content with, to better and build this home. I am content, yet strive for better,when improvement can be had.

Where is the line though? I am discontent with my weight. I was more discontent 30 lbs ago.  Maybe vanity played some part, but being fat is not healthy, physically nor mentally, I should be unsatisfied with being obese.  I will be more content with more weight gone. Should I be satisfied with being just 30 lb’s overweight instead of 60? Should I be satisfied with the ‘extra me’ left over after the weight loss, that looks like a deflated balloon? Is wanting tucks and snips of something so humbling a want or a need?

My being unsatisfied with the state of our government, wanting for our president to be removed and replaced with an honest Godly president is not just a want, it is a need, for our country, for the freedom of all Americans. To sit back and watch for the sake of  being ‘politically correct’ , has to be wrong. Our forefathers were discontent with taxation without representation (and more), and they did something about it.

Should I sit back and shut up when heresy is being taught or promoted, when false teachers and leaders are slandering God’s word?  God places our church leaders prophets and teachers…. Or does He? Why would God warn us away if they were all of him? Jeremiah 14:14Then the Lord said to me, “The prophets are prophesying lies in my name. I have not sent them or appointed them or spoken to them. They are prophesying to you false visions, divinations, idolatries and the delusions of their own minds.

Matthew 166 Then Jesus said to them, “Take heed and beware of the leaven of the Pharisees and the Sadducees.”

2nd peter 13 b They are spots and blemishes, carousing in their own deceptions while they feast with you,

Should I be content with lies? Should I be content with deception? So,  I am not happy with the actions of others, I know the Truth, that is all that matters. Right?  Romans 16:17 17 I appeal to you, brothers, to watch out for those who cause divisions and create obstacles contrary to the doctrine that you have been taught; avoid them.

Others will figure it out , or not. Each to their own, to believe as they will. Or should I be discontent for the sake of Christ? Matthew 28:19Go therefore and make disciples of all the nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit.

The line is there. A fine line. Being content is not being fruitless, futile. To be content, is being at peace with, satisfied yet always striving for more. Hebrews 12:1Therefore we also, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which so easily ensnares us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us. 

I have to put the weight of this world (literally 30lb’s)aside. I must take action and not be satisfied standing on the starting line, I have to cross the finish line to reach the prize.

I like my mattress, it is not as soft as I wanted it to be. Maybe I need the firmness. I will lie on it.