Posted in 50 in 50 days, Family

AMAZING 50 Celebration

50 happened! And happened and happened!!

I have had birthday celebrations in the past. Easter theme usually, Scan 200with egg hunts and pin the tail on the bunny. Scan 205

Scan 204Scan 203If it was not my year to have lots of friend s overScan 206(I don’t know the ‘rule’ for ‘friend parties, sometimes did and sometimes didnt’)t we would celebrate with family.Scan 207Scan 210Always had a cake Scan 201and presents. Scan 208 Being close to EasterScan 209a lot of the time we would be with my grandparents, and my Pawpa and  would celebrate together, his birthday was the 3rd. And a few times Aunt Mary Lee joined us too, since her birthday was the 8th.Scan 199

I had my first slumber party when I was 10, I think, then another when I turned 13. My big party and last party mom and dad threw me was 16. Kirk’s band came to play, set up in the living room-Scan 212 A bunch of kids came,a lot I didn’t invite,  hid beer in the back yard ( I did not drink) and smoked joints around the side of the house. Mom and Dad were even there, somewhere, choosing to be oblivious , but still taking pictures. I can admit this stuff now I AM 50!Scan 211

No party  can top what Keith just conspired for my 50! . I suppose he took my saying he had to do it big and that I did not think he would be able to surprise me, as a challenge– And he won.

First he brought Bio Mom and Sister in Thursday. SURPRISE!!!!! This was beyond enough!!. I was sure my time with them would be the IT of the celebration, visiting with them on Friday and seeing them off Saturday- Friday, we went shopping, eating lunch, just being together, we three, for the first time ever in my 50 years.  Keith had plans for us to go to the Petroleum Club, special arrangements because we are not members. We girls though decided the Petroleum club was just too TOO. None of us, were looking forward to ‘dressing’ for dinner. I hoped Keith would not have his feeling hurt when I asked for a venue change. He was great about it, found the one other place in town that takes reservations and got us in. We girls went and sat in the bar a bit before he came. When we went in we told them we had reservations but would wait in the bar, they responded with “For 14?” I said not unless he is doing something else– The ‘girls’  denied anything else was happening This restaurant mistake really worked for Keith.

We had our meal very relaxed, joked about the 14 reservation, Keith saying basically ‘This is it” Me saying having Bio and Sister was more than enough. I then had to convince Bio and Sis to come out to the house, so we could visit some more- Even though we were working on trying to convince them to stay another day. They decided to come and Sis was going to use my computer to show me some picts on FB she had. We were in separate cars, I stayed with Bio and Sis for the ride home. I was in the back of Sis’s car reading a People Magazine and chatting, looking up every now and then to be amazed at how well Bio was navigating a car and area she did not know.  We were part way up our long drive before I looked up and saw the line of cars and jillions of people standing on my front porch.Image  I said ‘Shit.”  Bio says I actually said “Shee-at”. Image 3    Then I turned around and walking up behind me was my brother Mike- Who had texted his apologies to me earlier, saying he wished he could have been there to meet Bio and Sis, but just could not get a way—- I cried again- Surprise!   It took me about 20 minutes of Birthday Greetings and Were You Surprised? to notice that everyone was dressed 70’s, or 60’s or 2013. 😉 All pretty much the same. 100_3451 Image 5 Image 6 Image 8 Image 9 For me too- Born in the 60’s ‘lived’ in the 70’s and again in 2013.

I am blessed beyond measure and my 50th is proof- A husband who wants to do all of this for me. EVERYONE adores him and knows and tells how amazing he is- Could not be a better man, for ME. My family, my kids (adults) are my bests, the are my friends, they WANT to be with me- My ‘girls’ really are MY girls they set up this thing for Keith, decorated, invited and entertained for ME. My grandkids and my ‘adopted’ grandkids waiting as excited for my birthday as they are for their own. My brother, the only other of ‘us’ left, is left. He loves me and wants for me , he adores my family and my family loves him.  All of those who came to celebrate my party, those who could not attend who wanted to know how it all went– I got friends, I really do! And Bio and Sis, and beyond them, a call from Bio Brother, Aunts and Uncles who wanted to come- They wanted to celebrate, my birth 50 years later, with me– Wow–

50 years of blessing’s sure looks good to me!Image 10

Posted in Family

Spring is Here so is Brian.

Today is the first day of spring!Scan 62 Better than that, it is my Brian’s birthday!brian 19 b #2 son was born 29 years ago, 3 days ‘late’ (St Pat’s day was due date)He would have been 2 days late if the cord had not been around his neck and the nurse had moved a bit faster toget the gloves for the doctor 😉 He was born at 12:04 AM.

Brian was the only out of the three I did not have a sonograms with, so we did not know his sex before he was born. I really was convinced he was a girl, because the pregnancy was so different from the first. Brian was the only who was born ‘late’, past his due date. Brian was the only we had without insurance to pay, I think we may still owe some, I hope they don’t repossess.

Brian got to have the ‘worst’ of the Celiac. He got to go through all the poking and prodding. He got the most of the symptoms, the beyond the text book pain and misery. He is our strongest our toughest our warrior. Scan 32He never cried, or complained, he never voiced his fears. Brian endured.

Brian has broken his arm, torn his clavicle off of his shoulder,l b K after surgery had several concussions, had a vertebra  in his neck pop out and been paralyzed for a short bit, sleep walks, broken curfew, been hit in the face with a baseball, been T-Boned by T’s truck, had endoscopys, ekg’s, worn a heart monitor, wore corrective shoes, had numerous stitches, had his tonsils taken out, and has not eaten wheat in 19 years. And he has survived it all– quite wellDSCF3110

Brian stands for what he believes in and believes what he stands for. He adores his family, put’s his wife and children before his needs and me, as it should be. Brian loves God and walks in His ways, with humbleness.DSCF3009

Brian is BRILLIANT. He was born a mechanical engineer. We could not keep batteries, paper clips and tape, because he was always building something. If something broke Brian had it in pieces, not fixing it, but turning it into something else. Brian spent some time in college to get that piece of paper to declare him an engineer. Brian did well until the day he conferenced with the professors on a project he had going on at home, an engine run on air compression. After the talk one professor pulled him aside and explained to him that any ‘invention’ he made while a student of the college belonged to the college, and he should keep this to himself. Brian explained this was all his expense and he was not using any college equipment, the professor said that did not matter, as long as he was a student….. Brian’s beliefs of justice and fairness, his character, kicked in and he walked out of college. This on top of his frustration of having to explain how things worked on paper and a gorgeous fiance’  and his dedication to her and their life together, it was an easy walk!Brian ashton welders

Brian is known for his ability to do, to build, to fix, to design, absolutely anything.. The company he works for now only exists because of his brilliance. Brian is stepping out and working on developing his own business, he has started building guns. Yep building guns. Petty Ordnance Unlimited is his company– Someday soon he will be known just like Winchester, Colt and Smith and Wesson!brian ash old

Brian is one of those people who can do all things. He was/is a great athlete. He was an amazing pitcher. Brian is funny, has a great sense of humor.DSCF2948 Brian was a great actor in school. Scan 63A great speaker. Brian is an artist, his design drawings are a work of art in themselves. Brian is a woodworker.Brian is an expert welder. Brian can fix everything, from a car to a mixer. Brian seems to always know the right answer to any question. Very few people know how gifted and talented Brian is. His wife knows. We know. His brothers know. A few close friends have an idea. Brian is a humble man, DSCF3340probably his greatest achievement, especially since he has so much to be proud of.282375_10151111879105073_2724440_n

I am so proud of him, God will excuse my ‘pride’, because I know He is too!Scan 97

Posted in 50 in 50 days, Family

Wish I Might Go Back..30days to 50

Scan 96The boys remind me of my failures,as a mom, so often.Usually it is the same few ‘bad Mommy dearest moments. But still, I wish they did not have those to remember. I always respond in my defense, that there were 365 days in a year and they lived with me for 18 years, so just to have a few baddies in the midst of all the rest, I can’t have been that horrendous a mom.Scan 12

When Lee started school I took a 3 day a week  job with a church, and Brian went to pre school, other than that I was always home, with Lee and Brian. Then later with Evan, when the boys were both in school.  I and the boys were always together, sometimes Keith joined in. Keith worked oilfield at first and spent a lot of after hours with ‘the guys’,the boys were babies then so they did not miss him much then. By the time they were toddlers Scan 37he worked graveyard for the USPS and slept (or tried to) till 3 and then we started our ‘family’ time.Scan 45

I was not a neat and tidy gotta have it allinplace kind of mom.Scan 40Still not. I can remember them having tents intheir room,I must have set that up. We colored together. Built Lego junk. Played outside with the dogs and riding toys. I must have dumped and refilled the kiddie pool twice a day in the summer, between them peeing in it and the dogs swimming and shedding in it. Played in their oversized room with the Little Tykes slide, and teeter totter.  We walked to the little ‘old stuff’ park at least once a week, stopping at the blue house to talk to the elderly  man who would always call out to us. He would ruffle Lee’s hair, Lee would act silly and Brian would stare at him from the stroller, daring him , with those giant ,brown, introvert eyes, to just try and touch his  head. Scan 97We would go to their grandmothers house (my mother in law) to swim, THEY loved it. We made trips to my parents without Keith and just ‘do’ Lubbock and Ransom Canyon.Scan 134

A lot of doctor visits and hospital visits arein the memory bank with the boys. Stitches, elbow’s out of socket, ear infections, well baby checks, asthma, and ‘Brian attacks'(undiagnosed Celiac) were our main reasons.  Then Evan was born with Pierre Robin  and also the search for reason of ‘Brian attacks’ became more intense. We made lots of trips to ‘real’ hospitals and doctors in Dallas. So vacations and memories became Six Flags and baseball games and shopping in big malls, and hotel rooms, and hospital waiting rooms.

I really loved being with the kids. Hated them to go to schoolScan 128. I wanted to homeschool them all, but as circumstances were, I only had opportunity to homeschool Evan. I did not like the school people telling me to feed my kids breakfast and wanting excuses of why I did not send them to school.  They are MINE, if I want to starve them in the morning and send them to Tinbucktoo I can, it is no business of MISD!On Brian Attack days I loved having him home with me, except that he was sick, yet again, and we did not know why.Scan 66

I wish the boys would remember the stuff I did good. Not the Chore Cards I made up for them to do their chores. They forget that their only chores were trash, clean room, unload dishes, and scoop dog poop, divided between the 2 then 3 of them. They forget because they never did their chores. 😉 . Not the PMS days, I did have them and I was nuts, but that really was only about 3 days a month, 3 out of 30 aint bad! AND I went and had surgery to fix it all, just for them!!! Not the spankings that went bad, because Leewould leap around trying to dodge the ‘bullet’ and get it in the wrong place. Why not remember our coming to his defense and making the Principle apologize for bruising him from hip to knee. Brian complains that I punished him 1st as an example to Lee, and ‘Lee made me do it anyway’. Yes, and it tore Lee up to be responsible for the punishment of Brian, andBrian needed to know how to make decisions on his own, good or bad.  He does now, and most of them are good.

E with buttonEvan is a bit of a different go back. The olders think he is lacking because I coddle too much. Maybe. Scan 65 But I think he has more than anyone expected him to have, because I pushed him really really hard. I wantedhim to be so much like his brothers, to have everything they did and would. The olders don’t see that the time spent pushing Evan was not the fun stuff they and I got to do.Scan 67 The playground with Evan I was pushing prodding, forcing ,him to climb, to cross bridges, to swing high. It scared him, it frustrated me, it was not fun. Growing up was not fun for Evan, Lee and Brian don’t see that.DSCF2081-7

If I might go back, it would be to tape it all, to make a documentary. To show them and myself (and my mother in law) how very much love was in our home. To show how many miracles happened everyday for our family. To show all we have accomplished. To show all the prayers I prayed and all the tears I have cried for my children. To show how God carried us through it all. I bet God has one we can see someday.

To My Grown Up Son.

Ask the parents of grown up children
And they will tell you
It is better to be able to say “I am glad I did”
Than to have to say “I wish I had”

My hands were busy through the day
I did not have much time to play
The little games you ask me to
I did not have much time for you

I’d wash your clothes; I’d sew and cook
But when you’d bring your picture book
And ask me please to share your fun
I’d say “a little later son”

I’d tuck you in all safe at night
Hear your prayers and turn out the light
Then tiptoe softly to the door
I wish I had stayed a minute more

For life is short and years rush past
A little boy grows up so fast
No longer is he at your side
His precious secrets to confide

The picturebooks are put away
There are no children games to play
No goodnight kiss, no prayers to hear
That all belongs to yesteryear

My hands once busy now lie still
The days are long and hard to fill
I wish I might go back and do
The little things you asked me to

Alice A Chace

Posted in 50 in 50 days, Family

42 to 50- Grandma day

Glorious day!  This was my first ALL my Grandboys day! I have had some granddaughter days, and a few all one family days, and those always involve girls. but never an all grand boy day. So fun! LIke the days I had ‘just’ boys.  The weather cooporated too, so we got to go out side and play some, feed the horses snacks, dig in the dirt, play with the dogs, throw some dirt a bit, it was good!

When the girls come and I say  “Lets go out side and…. .”  I usually get  Why? or  “But the doggies might tear my dress up dress”. Can’t we paint something instead? ” Or Cheyanne will ask “Can we look for horny toads/or frogs/ or lizards/?” and then “Why can’t we find horny toads/frongs or lizards after no looking and enough noise and shreiks  and whining about the stickers, dogs, heat/cold  from little sister, has almost run me away with the lizard toads and frogs.  I LOVE the girls, but they are sooooooooooo much harder to ‘please’ than the boys. Always in need.  I suppose this is from growing up with only boys and having only boys.  Boys seem to just do. Girls need to socialize and verbalize when they do.

So the boys and I needed to go and get the foster pup some food. On the way to the shop all the dogs were spoken to and tails were grabbed, rocks picked up and dropped again. We stopped by Evan’s apartment, he was home one more day after going on an antibiotic for throat infection. Evan had all of his matchbox car collection out, the boys were in heaven. Ty 4, Law, practically 3 and Colton 2 1/2 all drop to their knees and start driving and making car noises perfectly and, stating in their various stages of language, ‘tractor’ ‘truck’ race car’, helicopter’ bus’ . The next trip was to give the horses snacks, Colton who loves the horses from a distance was not as keen of big horse right next to him, so I held him as the other boys gave the snacks.  Back in the shop Colton found a cap to put on, just till he got to the door then he spied a helmet, threw the cap on the floor, which Ty picked up and put on, and put on the helmet. Law looked at them both like they were nuts to have something on their heads, other than a cowboy hat. We then went in grabbed a Glutino ‘oreo’ and headed for nap time.

At nap time, I first tried to put Colton down in the crib as his mom had suggested. There was no way that would happen, even with the helmet. His two older cousins were not in the baby bed  he was not going to have such and insult. So they all three lay in the bed, I below their feet reading the book Ty picked out, The 3 Little Pigs, and holding the book up so they could see the pictures. I made voices for each pig different and a big deep voice for the wolf, and huffed and puffed myself till I had a coughing fit.  The book is one I had as a child, so it is not so watered down as the 3 littlle pig story they have heard before, they were shocked to here that that big bad wolf dropped into the boiling water and boiled up, and that was the end of him.  Ty said “The wolf usuwally runned away, and didn’t die. I guess that is ok though. “I toughened em up today. 😉 and then they slept. DSCF3011

Posted in Evan

Happy Golden B Day Evan

Yesterday was my youngest sons 23rd birthday. 23 on the 23rd.  A friend, attending his party, informed me it was his ‘golden birthday.  I looked it up. It was.  I had no clue there was such, always thought it neat when it happened that way, (once in a life time) but never knew it meant anything.

Evan was actually due October 8, and with my previous pregnancies reaching exactly 40 weeks, (yes even the first who they say was ‘early) I did not expect Evan to come the week+ earlier.  My pastor/boss and youth pastor/other boss both had predicted the 23rd, separately. I laughed at the coincidence and explained to them, if I went to 39 weeks I would surly go the 40 weeks, with this one too.  The 9 AM of the 23, I was in the beginnings of labor, and Dave, pastor/boss called to see if I was on my way to the hospital, I was a bit peeved that he was right. Soon after he called, Keith made it home from his graveyard shift and we went into the hospital.

Hindsight of my pregnancy with Evan show sticky notes from God, everywhere.  Prior to even becoming pregnant.  Keith and I had discussed # 3 for about 3 years, just after #2 turned 2. We did not want the kids too far apart, age wise.We did not want to be in our 30’s having kids. I wanted 3 or more. Keith wanted 3 or less. Brian was now almost 5 and I felt it was getting to be a big space if we did not do something quick. I knew Keith was getting too comfortable with just 2. The graveyard shift at the PO and the PO was taking it’s toll on Keith.  It was affecting our marriage. We were broke all the time. Brian was in the beginnings of his medical mystery malady (celiac) we had lots of medical expenses and worries. The answer seemed to be another kid, 😉  to me.  God knew what we needed. Evan. 

So New Years Day 1989, after a night of celebration, the boys staying with grandparents, and then we too, because the trip home was too much at 3am. We celebrated and conceived, because the diaphragm was at home on the nightstand. Calculation calendars confirm, 1/1 conception to be due date 9/24-  The ‘deal’ made that early morning, between Keith and I: (by his prompting) If we did not conceive, I would drop this want for another baby. Thank you God!!!!

I wondered and prayed for about 2 weeks, I am a woman of my word, and I was afraid I had just removed my chances of having another baby (preferably a girl).One 6AM, still groggy I turned on the shower and I felt a voice say “ Life as you know it is over.” This is one of my two times in life I have definitely heard that Still Small Voice, God, speak to me, audibly. Laugh if you want, but I know.  The meaning, the knowledge that came from that statement covered much. I knew I was pregnant. I knew this baby would be more ‘impactful’ that the other two. It was a bit foreboding.  I remember telling a friend of my ‘voice’ that day, so I could have a witness, I think. The first question was if it was an ‘all good’ feeling, I told her yes and no. I felt it was exactly as stated, our life would change, our perspective of it. And it did. 

I did a home pregnancy and it was positive, made the OB appointment, for 6 weeks in. Started planning for that little girl. Because I KNEW that is what God meant, at first. What else would turn us upside down, but a girl, after having 2 boys? We had insurance with this baby (#2 had none) so we had a sonogram at 12 weeks. They said they might be able to tell sex. They did. Evan showed us his junk right away. I cried on the way home. I really wanted a girl. I knew this was my last chance.

I got over not having a girl pretty quickly. I LOVED my boys, it was sooooo fun having their rambunctious selves. Their cowboy boots, jeans, whooping and hollering. The way they had fun and only cried when hurt. They were tough and not whiney. They loved to cuddle and wrestle and I did not have to braid or curl their hair in the mornings. I remembered the relationship, or lack of, I had with my mom. Remembered the battles my girlfriends and I had with all of our moms, the hormones.  Boys were/are my blessing from God!!

 My pregnancy was fairly uneventful, as they all were. I do pregnant well. They did check me for extra fluid at one time, because I was measuring so large, did extra special sonograms. Turns out, the other two pregnancies had let me be a bit more elastic I guess, so I ballooned more. I think now, hindsight, this was the opportunity missed, for us to see Evan’s cleft/malformed mandible. This was far enough in the pregnancy they should have seen it. Alas, hindsight.

More of the issues Evan got to have are posted on Evan K. 

I have been blessed beyond understanding.  Evan has taught me what ‘normal’ is. Normal is conforming, normal is living for the expectations of everyone else. Normal is fitting into man’s mold. Exceptional is what God allows us to be. Evan is exceptional. Through Evan, God has shown me man is limited by man, not by God. God has shown me through Evan what it means to be strengthened by Him. That the weakest, by man’s standards, is made strongest by God. 

Evan hopes for more than he has, a CDL, a new car,a girlfriend, a wife, children, his hopes do not diminish, even when the reality of his hopes seem impossible. Evan does not get depressed. He does not complain. Evan has shown me what it is to be content.

I have learned unconditional love from Evan. Evan does not receive love from many, but he gives it to all. Evan also know’s what it is to love the creation he is in God, something I have struggled with most of my life.  

Evans Birthday is a celebration of his birth and my rebirth.

God put it perfectly, the day he told me of his creation in me, “Life as you know it is over.”

Thank You God, for every golden day with Evan. 

Posted in Evan

Challenge post 16 – A picture of someone who inspires you

I have changed this Day Challenge to Challenge post– I blog when I steal time. Don’t ask me what I am doing that keeps me from blogging every single day- I don’t know!!

Any way, challenge post 16- Someone who inspires me.

Looks can be deceiving.  I don’t suppose to many this guy looks exceptional. He actually looks a bit goofy, most of the time. How could he be ‘inspiring’?

This is Evan, my 22 year old son. Not the best looking of the three, not the smartest of the three. And by worldly standards not the most successful. Compared to the rest of the family, it does not seem like he has much to inspire anyone with.

Evan though is an inspiration to me, and could be to just about anyone who bothers to look. This young man has dealt with more exclusion and prejudice and judgement because of his outward appearance than I will ever have to, than most of us will ever be dealt. You may think it ‘okay’ because he really does not understand. Not an excuse but many times we do allow such behaviour because the recipient is not aware of the treatment. This is not the case of Evan. Evan has the mental capability to understand. Evan is not mentally disabled, he does have some learning disabilities from brain injury from a stroke, but this has not affected his ability to understand. Evan has to work a bit harder to comprehend some things, like money and numbers. Evan has to work harder to make the words get from his brain to his mouth. Evan has to think about swallowing all the time, or he drools. Evan has to turn his head to see to the left, glancing does not work. Evan has to decipher conversation that comes at him, words like the, that, more, less, when, where, how, etc just don’t compute for him. He took the drivers test several times because words like curve and turn mean the same to him, but they do not on the test. Evan has to smile a crooked smile, due to nerve damage, when his ‘friends’ at church discuss the gathering they will have soon, and who they have invited or need to invite, and never include him. Evan lives a life in the middle. He is not normal enough to be included and he is not disabled enough to be included. But he includes himself anyway. Evan has to repeat himself many times, sometimes never being understood completely, just to pay a compliment. Having a conversation about his wants, his interests, just to talk, is not something he ever gets to do, people just don’t have the time to listen.

Me? I exclude myself from so many things because I just don’t fit in. Or I don’t converse because someone in the group has been rude or talked badly about or to me. I am self conscious of my fat belly. I try to camouflage my wrinkles. I concern over others thoughts of my blog, my writing, my art, what if they don’t like it? I don’t attempt because I fear failure. I am not friendly for fear of rejection. I excuse myself from speaking to others whether it be gluten free talking or sharing the Gospel, because they may not understand.

Evan has so much less to inspire with, yet he does a much better job than I ever have.

Posted in Keith

31 years (+) with the same Dude.

10,950 days, +about 150 for the pre months of ‘sin’ – about 103 for the trips/business out-of-town and – 5 times HE really screwed up, I have woken up  next to my Keith.I can’t ‘notch’ the sex the same way. I think I could honestly say about half that.  Keith will probably disagree. But this is my logic- On average about every other day now. ABOUT. 30 years ago about every. ABOUT. Then add all the  marathon days, anniversary’s, hotel’s without kids, business trip ‘reunions’, make up for HIS big screw up’s, after being sick . Subtract the three child-birth recovery no sex times, but that NEVER lasted as long as MD suggested. Not to mention the pre marital …..Yep I think we can get to 5,400, EASY. Same dude.

Keith is my soul mate. Keith is the one. Keith is my better half.Keith is a pain in the ass

The Man I married- Lost a bet and his moustache- Still smiling

. Keith is who God planned me to be with. Keith is my perfect match. Keith is my polar opposite. Keith is irritating. Keith is my comfort. Keith is my antagonizer. Keith is my best friend. Keith is my protector. Keith is my inspiration. Keith is my exasperation. Keith is my laughter. Keith brings me joy. Keith has given me my deepest sorrow. Keith is my love. 

The day I met him August 8 1979 was conspired by God, my life changed for ever, for the better ,that day. The day I promised forever to him, July 11,1981, is my blessing from God. I am complete.   Love ya, Babe.