Posted in 50 in 50 days

More Than a Picture 10 days to 50

Scan 192This is Lilly Cavanaugh Kuykundall.It is written on the back of the photo.  Related to me somehow. I know this ,because my great grandmother’s maiden name was Kuykundall. Lilly is dressed well, has a kind face, but who Lilly actually IS I have no idea. Is she ; Fun? Honest? Believer? Sickly? Mean? Depressed?  There is no way of knowing who she is, there is no way of knowing whom anyone is from a photograph.

I have struck many a pose in my life. Many forms a dress, many hats I have worn. My ‘cover’ may reveal some of the content of a certain chapter of my life, but it does not tell whom I am. Not to a stranger. Those that know me, could look at pictures of me and possibly see a look that they have seen in ‘live’ action sc000f9a15 and know it to belong to a certain persona of mine. Most of those who know me, though ,probably look at these pictures and just get a glimpse of my ‘type’ of life.

I look at the pictures and know the reason behind the pose. Beyond it being for Easter with the cousins.Scan 185 I know this is trip to Corpus Christi to visit the cousins. I loved being with my cousin Julie, just nine months younger, and Fran, a couple of years ahead. Always wanted Fran to pay a bit more attention to me. Scan 177I know the hat I wore is still in my closet. My granddaughters want to put it on and wear it around. I love iris’ and their little yellow caterpillar insides. My Mamaw grew them well. It was her joy to have us with her Easter and to pose us in front of the flowers.

Scan 176. I look at pictures of my brother Kirk and think, if I did not know him, I would not know how he had lived. That he was a talented musician and artist. That he has a daughter who will soon have his first grandchild.  You can’t tell from pictures that he died too young. . I wish I could remember his hands on my shoulders.

I was so much younger than Mike and Kirk, and a girl,  I don’t have memories with doing a lot with my brothers ,don’t think I did.  Scan 144 I was a bit on my own, but never really lonely. I know they loved me. Scan 178We do have all of those times all dressed up and smiling together. Scan 175

Scan 142.A picture of girl in a brown dress does not tell you that she can not ride anything that goes in circles without tossing her cookies. The first time I knew  I could not spin, I was being pushed on the merry go round at church, in this dress.

Scan 156 This brown dress, shows me to be a  dutiful Brownie. Who joined a group activity and learned the verses and wore the uniform with pride. NOT. I can’t stand organized group activities. I don’t like wearing uniform, just so. To recite a verse ‘to belong’ is cheesy to me. Competing with others to get the most patches to do more activities than the others makes my throat tighten and my stomach churn. Not just for myself, but for the other who may not be able to beat me. I don’t want anyone to feel less, because of me. So I will not compete, I hate to compete.

I love to dress up. I love the gift of clothes. My mother taught me every event deserved a new dress. ChristmasScan 166

A new haircut Scan 165 Even if it was because I got gum stuck in it and had to have it all cut off.   .

Scan 13812 years of first day of school outfits

My grandparents returning from a vacation to Hawaii Scan 163  even Barbie received some new wear.  Scan 160

Scan 159Anytime I got all dressed up, around Mom and Dad, they would take a snap,Like they needed to immortalize the pretty, because it was so rare. I really didn’t know I was ‘pretty’ nor thin. I always thought of myself as a 6x, because I wore that size as a child.  I thought that X meant LARGE. My cousin couldn’t wear 6x and she was always a little smaller than I, I thought that was cause I was an amazon. Now I know it is because she is genetically an Akers with no shoulder span, and I am genetically a Dorsett/Gulick (german) and have broad shoulders.

Easter , of course,was another moment of posing,  from birth Scan 179till mom died ,I had a special easter/birthday dressScan 141, with a stuffed bunny or chick to go withScan 181. This time of the year in time for Easter,  in April I, have a bit of a ‘need’ to shop spring clothes, and pretty dresses. Mom would always always make sure I had my Easter/Birthday ensemble; a dress or two, hair ribbons, hose, ruffle socks, a hat, a purse. We shopped together, we splurged on me, together. This really was one annual mother daughter time we spent together. Mother could kill three birds in the spring, Easter, Birthday and Mother Daughter time. I loved it.

Band banquets. We did not get proms.  Scan 143Then I found a guy who did, and got to go to his prom Scan 133 I felt like the country bumpkin at his big ole school prom.

Then there are the years I performed. Scan 157 I looked like I could play.  I do know how to read music, I do know where the keys are.

Then there was dance. A little candleScan 170A wood nymph Scan 162 A dance teacher who told me I walked like a duck. She would call me out in front of all the girls as the example of what not to do.  I was 5. We had just moved from my safe small town, just me and my baby sitter ,Mamie life, to Abilene. I was  with others kids in kindergarten, after school program, teachers and ‘caregivers’ who did not know me for the first time. I was very afraid and lonely

Mother changed my dance to Mrs. OBrian. Scan 167Mrs OBrian would sit and talk with me, give me hot tea as we waited for my mother to arrive late, once a week. I loved my time with her. Mrs OBrian gave me a beautiful charm bracelet for my birthday.

Then came dance with Miss Maxine, in Slaton.  Scan 158I really wanted to be a ballerina.Scan 135Scan 171Started to see that I might be kind of cute. I could dance a bit. The girls in Slaton all grew up together, I was an ‘outsider’ I just did not get why it mattered to them where I lived. I learned much later, it was that competition thing, I just did not get.

Dance lead toScan 153  Twirling. Scan 154Not because I had a heart to dance, or felt the drive to just express myself with danceScan 161

Not because I had a great talent for spinning a metal rod. It was more because I was not cheerleader material. People liked me, I was cute enough, but I am not a cheerleader. Not a social monkey. I don’t compete. Take me or leave me kind of person. In my 7th grade year, Mom had this wonderful plan for me to be a twirler. I had never picked up a baton in my life. Mom paid for a few lessons for me. Talked to the band director (Dad was Jr. High Principle, Mom was 4th grade teacher so they are co workers). Set me up for try outs and sent me in. I got it. I think all of the girls who tried out got it.

I twirled for 6 years- Jr High and High School. I had 4 Band Directors.  I don’t think I had to try out again. But the competition was still there. Who was skinniest? Not me , but I was not fat, and I did need a bra, unlike….Who dropped the baton the most?Scan 136Me, cause I knew they would give me hell about it Who thought they were the prettiest? Not meScan 152Who was twirled the longest? Pam always claimed to be her, we started the same time, and she couldn’t twirl a few times because of grades so technically…. But who is counting? 😉 Who could be the biggest bitch?Not Me Who had the a date every Friday after the game and the biggest mum at homecoming? ME, JR. & SR yearScan 155

I look at ME in my pictures and I see who I have been,who I tried to be. DSCF3325 I know those times I look brave and courageous, I am really only being sustained and guided by  God.DSCF2078-3                                                                       I know how insecure I feltScan 139

I know how much people miss not knowing the ME I am and just assuming they do, cause they look at the cover. . IMG_3205I know how much I cared for those around me and how grateful I am to have them.Scan 182 I know how blessed I am. Scan 184I know there is a wonderful story about me, that God wroteImage 34 I want to be more than a picture.

Posted in Family

Spring is Here so is Brian.

Today is the first day of spring!Scan 62 Better than that, it is my Brian’s birthday!brian 19 b #2 son was born 29 years ago, 3 days ‘late’ (St Pat’s day was due date)He would have been 2 days late if the cord had not been around his neck and the nurse had moved a bit faster toget the gloves for the doctor 😉 He was born at 12:04 AM.

Brian was the only out of the three I did not have a sonograms with, so we did not know his sex before he was born. I really was convinced he was a girl, because the pregnancy was so different from the first. Brian was the only who was born ‘late’, past his due date. Brian was the only we had without insurance to pay, I think we may still owe some, I hope they don’t repossess.

Brian got to have the ‘worst’ of the Celiac. He got to go through all the poking and prodding. He got the most of the symptoms, the beyond the text book pain and misery. He is our strongest our toughest our warrior. Scan 32He never cried, or complained, he never voiced his fears. Brian endured.

Brian has broken his arm, torn his clavicle off of his shoulder,l b K after surgery had several concussions, had a vertebra  in his neck pop out and been paralyzed for a short bit, sleep walks, broken curfew, been hit in the face with a baseball, been T-Boned by T’s truck, had endoscopys, ekg’s, worn a heart monitor, wore corrective shoes, had numerous stitches, had his tonsils taken out, and has not eaten wheat in 19 years. And he has survived it all– quite wellDSCF3110

Brian stands for what he believes in and believes what he stands for. He adores his family, put’s his wife and children before his needs and me, as it should be. Brian loves God and walks in His ways, with humbleness.DSCF3009

Brian is BRILLIANT. He was born a mechanical engineer. We could not keep batteries, paper clips and tape, because he was always building something. If something broke Brian had it in pieces, not fixing it, but turning it into something else. Brian spent some time in college to get that piece of paper to declare him an engineer. Brian did well until the day he conferenced with the professors on a project he had going on at home, an engine run on air compression. After the talk one professor pulled him aside and explained to him that any ‘invention’ he made while a student of the college belonged to the college, and he should keep this to himself. Brian explained this was all his expense and he was not using any college equipment, the professor said that did not matter, as long as he was a student….. Brian’s beliefs of justice and fairness, his character, kicked in and he walked out of college. This on top of his frustration of having to explain how things worked on paper and a gorgeous fiance’  and his dedication to her and their life together, it was an easy walk!Brian ashton welders

Brian is known for his ability to do, to build, to fix, to design, absolutely anything.. The company he works for now only exists because of his brilliance. Brian is stepping out and working on developing his own business, he has started building guns. Yep building guns. Petty Ordnance Unlimited is his company– Someday soon he will be known just like Winchester, Colt and Smith and Wesson!brian ash old

Brian is one of those people who can do all things. He was/is a great athlete. He was an amazing pitcher. Brian is funny, has a great sense of humor.DSCF2948 Brian was a great actor in school. Scan 63A great speaker. Brian is an artist, his design drawings are a work of art in themselves. Brian is a woodworker.Brian is an expert welder. Brian can fix everything, from a car to a mixer. Brian seems to always know the right answer to any question. Very few people know how gifted and talented Brian is. His wife knows. We know. His brothers know. A few close friends have an idea. Brian is a humble man, DSCF3340probably his greatest achievement, especially since he has so much to be proud of.282375_10151111879105073_2724440_n

I am so proud of him, God will excuse my ‘pride’, because I know He is too!Scan 97

Posted in 50 in 50 days

18 Days to 50 Years

Well I have not blogged all of my 50 to 50, but I have thought about it 😉 .  The days are dwindling quickly! I am sooooo excited..

Today (tonight) I am going to remember my 18th year, as best I can, for the 18th day away from 50.

18 was a HUGE year for me, I did just about everything in 1981.

I graduated from high school. Or I walked the stage when I was 18. Technically I graduated in December of 1980, and I was still 17. I only needed 2 credits to complete the requirements to graduate, at the beginning of my Senior year. It seemed such a waste of my time, to go all year long.  I did not like all the social ‘kid’ stuff of high school, I was a twirler because Mom wanted me to be. I was a decent student, passed everything, could have been ‘better’ but just did not see the point. I was bored. Keith and I were engaged in October when he moved to Lubbock to go to Tech. If we were not at school or working we were together.  I went in to the school councilor the first week of school and explained all of this to him. Mr Harmon said it could be done, to my and Keith’s joy and my parents surprise.  Mom’s biggest concern was that I ‘walk’ across the stage, – So I did.  Keith and I got off work a little early on Friday, raced home from work and grabbed our weekend wear, and I grabbed my cutest high heel shoes and we left for about 5 pm for the 2 hour drive to Lubbock to make my ceremony at 7:30.  We drove up to the church the ceremony was held in, I rolled up my jeans and put on my high heels, found my parents in the parking lot and got my cap and gown and NHS sash  and raced into the church and found my  S place amongst my classmates who were ready to line in.  Walking across the stage all the girls looked the sames. Like we all had fancy dresses underneath. grad girls-3 But I knew better, I had the cutest shoes and my guy.Scan 10.

I moved out of my home and got an apartment In MIDLAND Again, actually I was 17. Keith and I had come to Midland to visit his parents, in January. I had all intentions to go back to Lubbock and get some kind of full-time job. While in Midland though, I got a job, at the YMCA, making about 8$ an hour .WAY above minimum wage. Keith got a job too, right away. The boom was here, and everyone was hiring.  Just like now. I was straight out of high school and 17 and I got a full time job! Wow.

I met Rice’. Great friend for a long time.

I was hired for a receptionist with an oil service company, when 18- I made about 10$ an hour. REALLY unheard of anywhere else in the world. The bosses would take the office out periodically for ‘liquid’ lunches. To the country clubs etc. I was a ‘business woman’ a 9-5er, at 18 (and still had not ‘walked’ the graduation stage)Milchem Receptionist-2

I planned my wedding.

I had a ovarian cyst that became infected I had my first ‘exam’

We bought a turbo charged Capri.

I started grocery shopping for myself for the first time

I got married when I was 18. On the date we had originally planned, in July. Best day of my life.  Mom was so panicked when I turned 18 in April, living in Midland, with Keith. She was sure I would up and marry since I was ‘legal’. It is not like I hadn’t rushed anything else already 😉Scan 129

I wrote most of my thank you’s

3 Months after getting married, still 18, I became pregnant with our first.

We bought our mobile home.mobile home

I got my first dog. Missy, a collie shepherd mix. Missy 1 was my family dog when I was a baby Muffin was the dog Mom and Dad brought home, and still had at their home. So technically Missy 2 was my first dog.

I went to Colorado, for honeymoon.

I had the largest creepiest most grotesque water bug crawl out of the toilet onto my leg one evening.

Went ‘home’ for Christmas for the first time. Went ‘home pregnant for the first time. Had Christmas married for the first time. Had Christmas pregnant for the first time.Scan 121

WOW!  Just about everything!

Posted in Politics

Feds Buying Up All Surplus Ammo, Ordering Stores To Cease Sales?

I think ‘we’ are looking at this wrong.  If they buy all the ammunition we can’t have any.  So, even if they can not pass gun control, they can keep the guns from ‘working’ by buying all the ammunitions from the public.

I think we need to be very very afraid.

Feds Buying Up All Surplus Ammo, Ordering Stores To Cease Sales?.

Posted in 50 in 50 days, Exhort Pray Praise...

I Made My Bed 25 days to 50

I woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning.

On our brand spankin new pricey mattress. This, Francesca T12,not feel like the Francesca T12 Keith and I laid upon in Sears, while passerby’s snickered, as we found our favorite sleeping positions, looking for our ‘just right’. This mattress is stiff, the pillowtop does not squish, unlike the store try..  We had shopped and shopped for the ‘feel’ that we had experienced in a favorite stay of ours, Country Inn and Cottage #1.   The bad ‘wake’ this AM could also be that I woke, often, thinking about the bed being ‘different’.  😉   I figure a few more nights and I will get used to it. Maybe it is like a new pair of shoes or jeans, you gotta wear a bit till they form to you and become a ‘fit’. Seeing that we both woke up pain free, it is probably exactly what is needed. Just not what I expected.

I find I do not need the same as I want, or expect, most of the time. I am not complaining, just saying.It is about being content. Accepting ‘it’ as it is. A saying one daughter in-law taught the ‘grand’s is “You get what you get and you don’t throw a fit.” That is being content. Being satisfied. Knowing this is how it is, and move on without bitching and moaning about it. Though,it is not necessarily accepting that things can not be changed or even bettered.   Content. Hebrews 13:5 Let your conduct be without covetousness; be content with such things as you have. Not to want MORE, but to be pleased with what you have. Counting it all joyJames 1:2 My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials,

The trick of this content business is realizing what I have and if I need to ‘better’ it, without being discontent. . What should I not accept?What should I not be satisfied with? How do I know the difference between what I really, really ,want and don’t need and what I really ,really need, and may or may not want? What I should endure for the better of me? What I must change for the best? Being satisfied with who and what I am today, yet striving to be better tomorrow.

I have never wanted to live in Midland, yet I am satisfied here, I actually have come to the place that I don’t want to leave here. I have my home that God built, my children and grandchildren all live here, I am content.. The medical, the shopping, the terrain,the climate,the social life (lack of),the schools…I have learned that I can adjust to, I can acclimate, I can enjoy vacations away all the more.  I know what is better, and how and where to get it, because I see the worse .

I am content with being gluten free. I am thankful each time someone has enough symptoms from gluten they become gluten free. It is a blessing to get off of wheat. I am not satisfied with gluten in our food. I am not satisfied with having to eat ‘special’ to be gluten free. So I strive to thrust gluten free living on the world.

My house I am satisfied with. Heck, I was satisfied with the mobile home I lived in 30 years ago. I work on making it better everyday though. Cleaning, decorating, repairing, upgrading. We sold a house we were content with, to better and build this home. I am content, yet strive for better,when improvement can be had.

Where is the line though? I am discontent with my weight. I was more discontent 30 lbs ago.  Maybe vanity played some part, but being fat is not healthy, physically nor mentally, I should be unsatisfied with being obese.  I will be more content with more weight gone. Should I be satisfied with being just 30 lb’s overweight instead of 60? Should I be satisfied with the ‘extra me’ left over after the weight loss, that looks like a deflated balloon? Is wanting tucks and snips of something so humbling a want or a need?

My being unsatisfied with the state of our government, wanting for our president to be removed and replaced with an honest Godly president is not just a want, it is a need, for our country, for the freedom of all Americans. To sit back and watch for the sake of  being ‘politically correct’ , has to be wrong. Our forefathers were discontent with taxation without representation (and more), and they did something about it.

Should I sit back and shut up when heresy is being taught or promoted, when false teachers and leaders are slandering God’s word?  God places our church leaders prophets and teachers…. Or does He? Why would God warn us away if they were all of him? Jeremiah 14:14Then the Lord said to me, “The prophets are prophesying lies in my name. I have not sent them or appointed them or spoken to them. They are prophesying to you false visions, divinations, idolatries and the delusions of their own minds.

Matthew 166 Then Jesus said to them, “Take heed and beware of the leaven of the Pharisees and the Sadducees.”

2nd peter 13 b They are spots and blemishes, carousing in their own deceptions while they feast with you,

Should I be content with lies? Should I be content with deception? So,  I am not happy with the actions of others, I know the Truth, that is all that matters. Right?  Romans 16:17 17 I appeal to you, brothers, to watch out for those who cause divisions and create obstacles contrary to the doctrine that you have been taught; avoid them.

Others will figure it out , or not. Each to their own, to believe as they will. Or should I be discontent for the sake of Christ? Matthew 28:19Go therefore and make disciples of all the nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit.

The line is there. A fine line. Being content is not being fruitless, futile. To be content, is being at peace with, satisfied yet always striving for more. Hebrews 12:1Therefore we also, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which so easily ensnares us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us. 

I have to put the weight of this world (literally 30lb’s)aside. I must take action and not be satisfied standing on the starting line, I have to cross the finish line to reach the prize.

I like my mattress, it is not as soft as I wanted it to be. Maybe I need the firmness. I will lie on it.

Posted in 50 in 50 days, Family

Wish I Might Go Back..30days to 50

Scan 96The boys remind me of my failures,as a mom, so often.Usually it is the same few ‘bad Mommy dearest moments. But still, I wish they did not have those to remember. I always respond in my defense, that there were 365 days in a year and they lived with me for 18 years, so just to have a few baddies in the midst of all the rest, I can’t have been that horrendous a mom.Scan 12

When Lee started school I took a 3 day a week  job with a church, and Brian went to pre school, other than that I was always home, with Lee and Brian. Then later with Evan, when the boys were both in school.  I and the boys were always together, sometimes Keith joined in. Keith worked oilfield at first and spent a lot of after hours with ‘the guys’,the boys were babies then so they did not miss him much then. By the time they were toddlers Scan 37he worked graveyard for the USPS and slept (or tried to) till 3 and then we started our ‘family’ time.Scan 45

I was not a neat and tidy gotta have it allinplace kind of mom.Scan 40Still not. I can remember them having tents intheir room,I must have set that up. We colored together. Built Lego junk. Played outside with the dogs and riding toys. I must have dumped and refilled the kiddie pool twice a day in the summer, between them peeing in it and the dogs swimming and shedding in it. Played in their oversized room with the Little Tykes slide, and teeter totter.  We walked to the little ‘old stuff’ park at least once a week, stopping at the blue house to talk to the elderly  man who would always call out to us. He would ruffle Lee’s hair, Lee would act silly and Brian would stare at him from the stroller, daring him , with those giant ,brown, introvert eyes, to just try and touch his  head. Scan 97We would go to their grandmothers house (my mother in law) to swim, THEY loved it. We made trips to my parents without Keith and just ‘do’ Lubbock and Ransom Canyon.Scan 134

A lot of doctor visits and hospital visits arein the memory bank with the boys. Stitches, elbow’s out of socket, ear infections, well baby checks, asthma, and ‘Brian attacks'(undiagnosed Celiac) were our main reasons.  Then Evan was born with Pierre Robin  and also the search for reason of ‘Brian attacks’ became more intense. We made lots of trips to ‘real’ hospitals and doctors in Dallas. So vacations and memories became Six Flags and baseball games and shopping in big malls, and hotel rooms, and hospital waiting rooms.

I really loved being with the kids. Hated them to go to schoolScan 128. I wanted to homeschool them all, but as circumstances were, I only had opportunity to homeschool Evan. I did not like the school people telling me to feed my kids breakfast and wanting excuses of why I did not send them to school.  They are MINE, if I want to starve them in the morning and send them to Tinbucktoo I can, it is no business of MISD!On Brian Attack days I loved having him home with me, except that he was sick, yet again, and we did not know why.Scan 66

I wish the boys would remember the stuff I did good. Not the Chore Cards I made up for them to do their chores. They forget that their only chores were trash, clean room, unload dishes, and scoop dog poop, divided between the 2 then 3 of them. They forget because they never did their chores. 😉 . Not the PMS days, I did have them and I was nuts, but that really was only about 3 days a month, 3 out of 30 aint bad! AND I went and had surgery to fix it all, just for them!!! Not the spankings that went bad, because Leewould leap around trying to dodge the ‘bullet’ and get it in the wrong place. Why not remember our coming to his defense and making the Principle apologize for bruising him from hip to knee. Brian complains that I punished him 1st as an example to Lee, and ‘Lee made me do it anyway’. Yes, and it tore Lee up to be responsible for the punishment of Brian, andBrian needed to know how to make decisions on his own, good or bad.  He does now, and most of them are good.

E with buttonEvan is a bit of a different go back. The olders think he is lacking because I coddle too much. Maybe. Scan 65 But I think he has more than anyone expected him to have, because I pushed him really really hard. I wantedhim to be so much like his brothers, to have everything they did and would. The olders don’t see that the time spent pushing Evan was not the fun stuff they and I got to do.Scan 67 The playground with Evan I was pushing prodding, forcing ,him to climb, to cross bridges, to swing high. It scared him, it frustrated me, it was not fun. Growing up was not fun for Evan, Lee and Brian don’t see that.DSCF2081-7

If I might go back, it would be to tape it all, to make a documentary. To show them and myself (and my mother in law) how very much love was in our home. To show how many miracles happened everyday for our family. To show all we have accomplished. To show all the prayers I prayed and all the tears I have cried for my children. To show how God carried us through it all. I bet God has one we can see someday.

To My Grown Up Son.

Ask the parents of grown up children
And they will tell you
It is better to be able to say “I am glad I did”
Than to have to say “I wish I had”

My hands were busy through the day
I did not have much time to play
The little games you ask me to
I did not have much time for you

I’d wash your clothes; I’d sew and cook
But when you’d bring your picture book
And ask me please to share your fun
I’d say “a little later son”

I’d tuck you in all safe at night
Hear your prayers and turn out the light
Then tiptoe softly to the door
I wish I had stayed a minute more

For life is short and years rush past
A little boy grows up so fast
No longer is he at your side
His precious secrets to confide

The picturebooks are put away
There are no children games to play
No goodnight kiss, no prayers to hear
That all belongs to yesteryear

My hands once busy now lie still
The days are long and hard to fill
I wish I might go back and do
The little things you asked me to

Alice A Chace

Posted in 50 in 50 days, Politics, Rants Raves

I AM Under God. 31days to 50

Godless Leadership: When They Don’t Want God.

When I hear others or I speak of our ‘fallen’ government, or those in leadership being corrupt,  many Christians respond with that we have ‘love and respect our government because God placed it there. Citing

Romans 13 Let every soul be subject to the governing authorities. For there is no authority except from God, and the authorities that exist are appointed by God. . 2 Therefore whoever resists the authority resists the ordinance of God, and those who resist will bring judgment on themselves.

Well,I suppose that by itself, pretty much does seem to say respect the governing forces. Or does it? Respect? It says be subject to.-To submit to. Submit, to be in subjection. To yield to the power of authority of another(government). Nothing about respect nor agree with. 

As I read deeper into the meaning of these words I find that ‘governing authorities’ was actually ‘powers’ which in Greek means: subj; privilege, force capacity competency freedom or as an obj mastery. concur: magistrate superhuman, potentate token of control- Thesauras words authority, jurisdiction, liberty power, right strength 

In Hebrew,-Appointed/ordained:   to be arranged in an orderly manner- 

What I notice ,when looking at this, word for word comparing to Greek and Hebrew the original language of God’s word. It does not say certain particular leaders are chosen by God.  Choose, Chosen are different words with different meanings, than Ordained. Choose is to select in Hebrew. This word is only used 1x in Greek New Testement, it means to take for oneself, to make a choice. 

For example: I ordain gluten free living for myself.  I do not CHOOSE to be gluten intolerant, I just am. , I do arrange being gluten free in an orderly manner of my lifestyle.

All of this confirms MY understanding of this scripture. Putting it in context also with all the surrounding talk Paul is doing in 12,13,14.15.16 of Romans. Paul is telling Christians how to ‘be’ Christians, and play nice, basically. 

ALL are to give way under pressure/force of those in authority. (wives to husbands, children to parents, students to teachers, citizens to society laws, elected officials to those who elected them) Powers only exist through God. God created governing/ powers  for order, to punish evil, so we might be able to judge right from wrong and live without destroying ourselves here. The Ten Commandments, the Law, all the instructions from God are to have us yield to ‘power’ to others, to live in peace. If we do not yield to our ‘powers’ we will have consequences. We will be punished for breaking the law,(i.e. ticket for speeding) and or physically hurt for disobeying/opposing (ie injured in wreck caused by speeding). 

BUT- This does not say that evil leaders are hand picked and placed in their seats ‘of power’ by God. This does not say that those the ‘people’ choose and God allows to be King,President, Chief, Grand Poop On are doing the will of God. WE the PEOPLE are allowed to choose. 1Samuel8:But when they said, “Give us a king to lead us,” this displeased Samuel; so he prayed to the Lord. 7 And the Lord told him: “Listen to all that the people are saying to you; it is not you they have rejected, but they have rejected me as their king.

God knows who the majority will choose. God knows who will choose to be leaders, if they will do his will or be dictators,of people. God knows the consequences we will suffer for not choosing a leader who obey’s Him. God knows the false prophets and teachers that intend to lead His people astray.  God expects beleivers to stand against evil, to stand for righteousness, to obey. God warns us over and over of the evils of man. Man makes up the leadership of our governments, our churches, our society.  God tells us to know HIM, then he will show us the right way Proverbs 2:9Then you will understand righteousness and justice, Equity and every good path The Israelites continued to turn away from God, to idols, to other leaders, disobeying, forgetting Him. They were captured, tortured,oppressed, killed. God brought famine, plagues, natural disaster, caused women to be barren, and war on ALL of HIS CHILDREN, because of those who would not pay attention. 

We are not to blindly follow our ‘powers’ to bow down to their wishes and demands. Acts 5:29 But Peter and the other apostles answered and said: x“We ought to obey God rather than men.

David ran from King Saul when he was under his ‘employ’. David snuck up and cut a peice of his clothing off as Saul pooped. How is that being ‘respectful’? Obedient? Shouldn’t David have just stood for the abuse and possibly been killed by Saul, since Saul , his king and employer, wanted that? David did always honor the position OF king, which Saul happened to be. That is why he did not kill Saul as he pooped, nor in his sleep. David killed even the man who bragged about killing Saul, even though he actually did not. All for the honor of the position, NOT Saul. 1 and 2 Samuel is full of right and wrong ‘power’.

 I do not agree with nor respect our president or  government. I know our government, especially that government which abides to Obama is evil and bent to destroy a country that was built on the principles of God. I do not agree with nor respect those in leadership of my own church.  I do not agree with nor respect the police officer who texts and drives, or speeds to the donut shop. I do not agree with nor respect a man who physically or mentally abuses his wife and children. Those that  do not obey or respect God and His Word are not to receive respect nor honor, nor agreement.  

I know a governing is set in place by God. And if the ‘power’ is abiding to God, I should and do submit. My husband asks of me something I do not WANT to do, yet it is not against God’s will. I comply. A posted speed limit seems ridiculous for the long stretch of road, is not against God’s will, just mine. I comply. I honor the positions of ‘powers’ by not slandering names, shaming men. I comply. 

Romans 8:28 And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose.

I know God is the authority of all power. I know God will set all things in order to work for Him. I see that the evil manipulations of corrupt leaderst are causing the righteous to stand up. We have become complacent, willing to let someone else do it, no questions asked.  We have listened to the great lie too long. God did not create this evil. God does not WANT for oppression of man. Man chooses it.