Posted in Exhort Pray Praise..., Rants Raves


I am being convicted, by God. He does that often, usually it is a string of circumstances, life experiences, mine and others, sermons, lessons I am doing, TV shows, movies, and some stress or tension is usually involved. By itself none mean much but put it all together, God is teaching me sumthin.

  • I started the Beth Moore Daniel study, got a great price on it at a gun show I went to with Keith.  The theme, thus far, is integrity, standing for what you believe in, not succumbing to the world.
  • I just finished Ephesians study, on this blog, most of my concentration went into the whole armor of God, standing firm, the only way to be victorious is with God.
  • I read Life Lesson ? and answer in Real Simple magazine,  Is it ever appropriate to spill a friends secret?  The answer was no EXCEPT when the secret involves a major ethical breech or could harm someone.
  • I started attending an exercise program with a group of women in my church, it is intense (for me). I have to make myself go and do it.  It is a great workout, I thought I was doing well on my own walking everyday. I am disappointed in myself for not working harder prior to this. I am frustrated that since starting this I have actually gained weight, (I am NOT eating more!!) Not getting instant results is making me very frustrated which makes me feel very shallow and weak.   I want to quit.
  • I adopted a new way of eating months ago, and it was working, I was doing exercise with it.  I lost about 20 lbs. Holidays and cold weather and whatever caused me to lose focus,and gain 10 lbs. At the beginning of all of this get down to business and lose I realized I was not depending on God, but the quick fix of a pill, or starvation or…I blamed my fat on pituitary, thyroid hormones.  I prayed and repented of not trusting that He alone is my strength. I know that is where my strength and perseverance and loss came from. Then I forgot. I have let other ideas, the want for quick fix come in, when the weight came back.  I stopped eating correctly, skip meals, complain about my afternoon snacks, punishing myself for slipping up.
  • My Sunday School lessons are all focused on the sins of man and plan of God to redeem – It spans from creation to resurrection.  We have been in the escaping Egypt and in the desert for the past several weeks, finally reaching the promised land, only to have the doubters bring on 40 more years of misery. I have taught this curriculum for years, and each year I glean more.  This year I am struck by:
  1.  Moses arguing with God that he should not be the one that does the leading, so God adds Aaron
  2. Aaron’s sons just tweaking worship a bit and ‘getting’ killed by God.
  3. God’s tough love BECAUSE the people keep wanting the worldly comforts instead of HIS promised land.- Poiseness snakes
  4. Moses never reaching the promised land because he let his anger override his obedience to God.
  5. Caleb and Joshua standing and speaking up, opposing the world, believing in the promises of God. Not going with the crowd.
  6. Caleb and Joshua being the only ones, in their generation to enter Canaan.
  7. Caleb and Joshua still having to endure 40 years in wilderness, because of the lack of faith of the others. Or lack of integrity of others. And accepting it, with integrity.
  8. God’s follow through- He tells what He wants, what He expects and what will happen if we do not agree. He promises consequences for us, good and bad, the rest is up to us to abide or not. God does not change, ever. That is integrity, that is love.
  • A blog post of a fellow blogger Chief of the Least of a YouTube of Penn being impressed  by a Christian with integrity.
  • Witnessing those in positions of leadership not showing integrity. How very disappointing it is to see someone you trust to protect and teach and be truthful not doing so. To watch leaders lie and omit truths all in order to protect another’s lies and mistakes.
  • Watched the movie “Seven Days in Utopia.”  It is about believing in what you do. Believing in God’s power. Acting on that belief even when the world thinks your crazy. NOT CONFORMING. Integrity.
  • I telling a friend of a wrong they were doing, knowing full well they would be angry with me, willing to accept the rejection ( I HATE REJECTION), they rejecting me and my surviving it. And then they thanking me for being honest and apologizing.

My lesson is: Integrity is standing firm, standing up for truth. Integrity is pushing myself into an unnatural uncomfortable position. Integrity is righteous. Integrity is respected. I must work to have integrity and to keep it. Integrity is knowing when I am wrong and admitting it. Integrity is knowing when I am right and standing for it. Integrity does not hide. Integrity does not lie. Integrity does not fear. Integrity does not run away.

I do not show integrity always. I worry on the rejection of man far too much, though I am growing out of that more everyday.  Am I now trying to win the approval of men or of God?…….If I were still trying to please men,  I would not be a servant of Christ.  Gal 1:10    I let my anger, my fear direct me instead of God, at times. I let others convince me that I am not acceptable if I do not conform to the world.   Romans 12:2
And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God.

I see these times of conviction as God refining me.  Preparing me today, for eternity.

He will sit as a refiner and a purifier of silver;
He will purify the sons of Levi,
And purge them as gold and silver,
That they may offer to the Lord
An offering in righteousness.  Malichi 3:3

Posted in Rants Raves

Resolving Frustration


Well my list of frustrations yesterday included not having Evan’s bathroom completed.  We have the holes in place for the shower, toilet and bathroom sink. We even have the kitchen sink hooked up to drain out, no  faucet till this week. We just did not have the ‘stuff’ line hooked up to the septic tanks. Had about 100 feet trench to dig and hook up to the main line.  Having a place for all the stuff to go was essential, so Keith had come to another ‘stall’ as we were waiting for the septic guy to be able to fit us in.   Evan has been coming over to the BIG HOUSE for his OUTHOUSE.

This week the septic guy came!! Whoo hoo.  Kirk did a great job, dug and hooked up in less than 8 hours.  Keith went out the same night and bought a toilet. Next day we bought the kitchen faucet and bathroom sink.  Keith put in the kitchen faucet that night.  Turned it on and the sink started to fill.  Keith worked on it about an hour trying to plunge and such. Decided to call it a night.  We figured Evan had poured some grease and gunk through and it needed to be cleaned at the trap.

I finished grouting the kitchen counters yesterday, and told Evan “This weekend we will get most of the plumbing done. Promise.”  I should not do that.

This AM we got up, slowly. Last night we celebrated with an ex coworker of Keith’s, yesterday was her last day with the Post Office, soooooooo happy for her!! Keith’s day will come!  Also yesterday I started an exercise class at the church, an hour of pure torture, my butt and thighs were SCREAMING at me this morning.  So slowly we started moving.  Planning to start with the kitchen sink and move on to the toilet and bath sink and be finished by 1 at the latest.

Lee calls.  He is helping cook for a ‘date night’ at our church tonight, Keith is helping him cook.  Lee is coming out to get the potatoes that he had his ‘help’ pick up for him yesterday.  Lee and Tanah and Ty arrive we get to visit with them, just as Lee is about to leave he asks ” Mom are you going to town today?”

I say “Later.” I am planning trip after we get all plumbing done to go get mirror for Evan’s bath.

Lee says ” Good I figured I would take Dad with me and we would unload the wood at the church and you could pick him up. Dad that ok with you?”

Keith says “Well we were going to do the plumbing in Evan’s first, but I guess we could get the mirror now.”

So, at 12 we have finally finished with the wood and picked up the mirror and driving home hungry, so we stop at Jason’s.  Keith has announced that he has to be back at the church at 3 and the flange on the toilet will have to be set in concrete after he chinks out some concrete to make it level with the floor. So we will probably just fix the kitchen sink drain issue.

We get home and time as it is we must wash and wrap the 65 potatoes that are Keith’s assignment and get them cooking before we work on the apartment.

Keith has decided to take the P trap off, that is bound to be where the clog is.  It is not.  Then he decides after we can not run a wire up and around the other part of drain, maybe more clog there.  The lines out of the apartment have been in place for MONTHS, just waiting for the septic to connect, so maybe some of the dirt accumulation has clogged it somewhere.  We should have checked that before we connected everything and buried it. I feel my frustrations building.

Keith cuts the line under the sink so we have a straight shot to push through.  We push wire through, some resistance, then it is gone.  Weird.  Keith has me check the toilet line as he blows air through the sink pipe, nothing comes through.  So logic says something is in the way between the sink and toilet line- before it goes out.  MMMM. Oh and Keith has to go shower now for evening. ARGGGGG. No resolution to my tension, just a bit more of a tug.

Keith goes in, after he tells me HE is not the one that promised the plumbing this weekend.  Man oh Man tension is getting tighter and tighter.

I contemplate what he has said, about the plumbing, I think if I can do SOMETHING maybe I can get us a step further.  I think about the shower drain, which is just 3 feet to the right of the toilet drain.  I pry off the plastic cover, look in a dark hole, grab a paint roller extender and poke it in. Resistance.  Jab, resist, jab, resist jab, clear…. Maybe!!  I pull out the pole, blackish water drips off. I then search a flashlight to look in.  Finally find one,  turn it on, look in and— YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEIKKS, beady black eyes surrounds by slimy goo squirm at me.    I screamed like a girl.

HUGE toad was in the drain. He probably was camping out in the open drain and then we trapped him in when we closed everything off. His only place is to live as close to the fresh air as possible, the other way is a stinky methane gassed suffocation.

That scream was so relieving! I must do it more. As I laughed at myself and our ‘clog the frog’ I walked to the house to tell Keith.  Keith was getting ready, and a bit cold from our last conversation.  Clog was a great ice breaker.

Keith left for cooking at church.  And I went to get Clog out.  The pipe is about a 24 inch drop to the T, Clog is propped just at the bottom above the water. Water is what stands in the drainage, right now just water. Each time I poked at Clog with anything, he would puff up and fill the whole pipe.  First thought to drop a washer tied to a string, get it under him and pull and maybe it would urge him up.  Nope, just hit him on head.  Poured water through made him wiggle and the washer fell under him.  Pulled and he would come some but eventually let the washer pull passed him.  I did this about 5 x’s. Then I started a search for something stiff that I could push past him and hook him with to pull. Finally decided on a hanger, from Evan’s closet.  I worried at first about poking him, then realized I had come to the tension point of wanting relief so much if Clog became a shish kabob I could live with that.  I ran down the hanger, still had the washer on the string down the hole too.  I started pulling, easily, it was working, pulling both. I got him just inches to the top something adjusted and he started to fall, I may could have grabbed him, physically, but mentally I had to not.  Second try, just the hanger, I hooked underneath and started to pull, he was coming, I worried a bit about the poke, then thought about all the crippled toads I see when it rains, either maimed from the cats, dogs or shovels, I gave a swift pull and he was out, splat on the floor. Ta Da!!! One frustration  down!!!

Clog has no war wounds. I scooped him in a coffee container, and took him over to the yard, took his picture and sent him on his way.  Hopefully the clog was only Clog, we will see tomorrow.

Posted in Christy's Concepts


I am frustrated!  I looked up the word.  frustrated |ˈfrəsˌtrātid|  adjective feeling or expressing distress and annoyance, esp. because of inability to change or achieve something

I AM frustrated.  I am expressing distress and annoyance and I feel it too,  because of my inability to change something (s) and thus achieve!!!

What needs to change? EVERYTHING. 

I just turned 49, two weeks ago. Not really wanting to change that, but would like to change a few things connected to that:

Wrinkles: Eye wrinkles get eye cream, face wrinkles get day and night cream. I wish I could go back in time and learn to wear sunglasses and smile more. I wish I had some $$ and my hubby would allow me to use it  to nip and tuck and erase just a few lines.

Sags and bags- What the heck is up with my chin/neck or whatever that area is? Where did that come from? I think exercise would only make it worse. I could have a firm jawline and then the chin wing.  The way I am now it at least blends.

Metabolism- I sleep less, so you would think that means I would be burning more since I am up more. I have hot flashes so I sweat during the night when I do sleep, and when I sit still in an air conditioned room- this should be extra calories burned! I have been exercising, walking, sit uping, doing aerobics, pilates, 5 out of 7 days a week. WAAAAAy more than I ever have. I have dropped sugar, and most carbs. In the last year I lost about 20 lbs, over the Christmas holidays I ate maybe 2 small serving sweet treats, and gained 10 lbs.   REALLY?

I am working on changing me, changing my eating habits, changing my want for a quick fix (I did phen fen and I LOVED it! to heck with my heart)  Nothing is happening for me here! I am frustrated.

Beyond ME? More frustration. Because I really can change nothing more than myself.  I can not change idiocy. And I really want to.

Idiot doctors who will not diagnose gluten intolerance first, before taking out body parts. Idiot doctors who think that MD means they know far more than anyone who does not have MD behind their names.

Idiot people who continue to eat gluten, or feed it to their children,  knowing that they feel better with out wheat. People who are too weak to say no to a stinking doughnut, who whine because they are sick all the time, because they eat the stinking doughnut. People who believe the idiot doctor knows more than they do because the doctor has MD behind his name.

People who are afraid to stand for what they believe in.  Me included. IF we are called to ‘stand’ obviously someone is pushing, right?  Why is it that some bonehead with an opinion gets to trump mine? Why is it that all in the name of being a ‘good’person, a Christian, society tells me I have to turn the other cheek, be meek?  Society does not know what God  meant by that!! Why do I let them dictate to me?

People who have the audacity to think their opinion is the only one and always the right one.

People who want to change God and who He is and what He says so they will feel comfortable.  God invented love, tough love too, heck He is love. God made us and he can do what ever He wants with us. Get over it.

People who use their weakness’s as an excuse to not do their best.

People who consider a weakness a skin color, or a gender, or age or an age old injury (that has healed) and want exceptions in life, while those with true disabilities get none.

People ‘in power’ who make more bucks than I, and go on expense paid ‘business trips’ on MY taxes,

People who believe everything the media tells them.

People who think gasoline is expensive because of the oil tycoon who drills it.  It just don’t work that way people.

People who stand on the corner with signs that say “will work for money.”  across from a business with “Help Wanted” sign.   These same people are often in the local stores later talking on their cell phones… REally?!!

Apple has been teasing us with the new release of the Imac for MONTHS.

The only friends Evan has spend all their free time playing video games.

The $2000 transmission job on Evan’s Honda CRV lasted 2 months.  It IS under warranty. BUT it took them 3 months to do it when they were being paid…..

I don’t get to spend enough time with the grandkids.  ALL of them.

I still have not lost 40lbs, or 50 lbs.

I have tinnitus. My right ear RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINGS. Has been for years. It is not in the M.D’s ear so we don’t really care.

I can’t seem to get my fingernails to grow.

The sweet pea plant, the most expensive one, that seemed the easiest to grow, don’t look so good.

Evan’s bathroom is not finished yet.

Keiths stairs are not put up.

The property next door is WAY over priced.

Land loans are 60% down! If I had that much I would not need a loan!

I want someone to call me. I want someone to want to hang out with me. That doesn’t frustrate me.

Rick Santorum dropped out.  I really want a Christian president.

No grass in back yard.

NO RAIN still.  I don’t want to live in a desert.

Hay cost’s too stinkin much

I am frustrated.

BUT,  looking over this, I think the majority of it I have the ability to change.   And what I can’t…. I can work around.

This was helpful.  Thanks.

Posted in Exhort Pray Praise...

I know ME because HE is I AM.

integrity |inˈtegritē|1 the quality of being honest and having strong moral principles; moral uprightness

morality |məˈralətē; mô-|principles concerning the distinction between right and wrong or good and bad behavior.• behavior as it is affected by the observation of these principles :• a particular system of values and principles of conduct, esp. one held by a specified person or society • the extent to which an action is right or wrong behavior or qualities judged to be good :

principle |ˈprinsəpəl|1 a fundamental truth or proposition that serves as the foundation for a system of belief or behavior or for a chain of reasoning • (usu. principles) a rule or belief governing one’s personal behavior morally correct behavior and attitudes

honest |ˈänist|free of deceit and untruthfulness; sincere

respectable |riˈspektəbəl|1 regarded by society to be good, proper, or correct

good |goŏd|1 to be desired or approved of 2 having the qualities required for a particular role :3 possessing or displaying moral virtue

righteous |ˈrī ch əs|adjective1 (of a person or conduct) morally right or justifiable; virtuous

trust |trəst|1 firm belief in the reliability, truth, ability, or strength of someone or something :

belief |biˈlēf|1 an acceptance that a statement is true or that something exists : his belief in God | a belief that solitude nourishes creativity.• something one accepts as true or real; a firmly held opinion or conviction 2 ( belief in) trust, faith, or confidence in someone or something

faith |fāθ|1 complete trust or confidence in someone or something 2 strong belief in God or in the doctrines of a religion, based on spiritual apprehension rather than proof

confidence |ˈkänfədəns; -fəˌdens|the feeling or belief that one can rely on someone or something; firm trust

truth |troōθ|the quality or state of being true • (also the truth) that which is true or in accordance with fact or a fact or belief that is accepted as true

fact |fakt|    a thing that is indisputably the case • ( the fact that) used in discussing the significance of something that is the case

knowledge |ˈnälij|1 facts, information, and skills acquired by a person through experience or education; the theoretical or practical understanding of a subject

know |nō|be aware of through observation, inquiry, or information • be absolutely certain or sure about something

wise 1|having or showing experience, knowledge, and good judgment responding sensibly or shrewdly to a particular situation

wisdom |ˈwizdəm|the quality of having experience, knowledge, and good judgment; the quality of being wise.the soundness of an action or decision with regard to the application of such experience, knowledge, and good judgment

judge |jəj|to form an opinion or conclusion about

judgment |ˈjəjmənt|1 the ability to make considered decisions or come to sensible conclusions :• an opinion or conclusion

opinion |əˈpinyən|a view or judgment formed about something, not necessarily based on fact or knowledge

idea |īˈdēə|1 a thought or suggestion as to a possible course of action : they don’t think it’s a very good idea.• a concept or mental impression :.• an opinion or belief • a feeling that something is probable or possible

theory |ˈθēərē; ˈθi(ə)rē|a supposition or a system of ideas intended to explain something, esp. one based on general principles independent of the thing to be explained• a set of principles on which the practice of an activity is based an idea used to account for a situation or justify a course of action

theology |θēˈäləjē|the study of the nature of God and religious belief.religious beliefs and theory when systematically developed

study |ˈstədē|1 the devotion of time and attention to acquiring knowledge on an academic subject, esp. by means of books

apologetics |əˌpäləˈjetiks|reasoned arguments or writings in justification of something, typically a theory or religious doctrine.

justify |ˈjəstəˌfī|1 show or prove to be right or reasonable

reason |ˈrēzən|1 a cause, explanation, or justification for an action or event

prove |proōv|1 [ trans. ] demonstrate the truth or existence of (something) by evidence or argument• [ trans. ] demonstrate by evidence or argument (someone or something) to be

Christian1of, relating to, or professing Christianity or its teachings.

Christianity |ˌkris ch ēˈanitē|the religion based on the person and teachings of Jesus of Nazareth, or its beliefs and practices

(copied and pasted from about basic christian doctrines):   

There is only one God (Isaiah 43:10; 44:6, 8; John 17:3; 1 Corinthians 8:5-6; Galatians 4:8-9).

  • God is three in one or a Trinity (Matthew 3:16-17, 28:19; John 14:16-17; 2 Corinthians 13:14; Acts 2:32-33, John 10:30,17:11, 21; 1 Peter 1:2).
  • God is omniscient or “knows all things” (Acts 15:18; 1 John 3:20).
  • God is omnipotent or “all powerful” (Psalm 115:3; Revelation 19:6).
  • God is omnipresent or “present everywhere” (Jeremiah 23:23, 24; Psalm 139).
  • God is sovereign (Zechariah 9:14; 1 Timothy 6:15-16).
  • God is holy (1 Peter 1:15).
  • God is just or “righteous” (Psalm 19:9, 116:5, 145:17; Jeremiah 12:1).
  • God is true (Romans 3:4; John 14:6).
  • God is spirit (John 4:24).
  • God is the creator of everything that exists (Genesis 1:1; Isaiah 44:24).
  • God is infinite and eternal. He has always been God (Psalm 90:2; Genesis 21:33; Acts 17:24).
  • God is immutable. He does not change (James 1:17; Malachi 3:6; Isaiah 46:9-10).
  • The Holy Spirit is God (Acts 5:3-4; 1 Corinthians 2:11-12; 2 Corinthians 13:14).
  • Jesus Christ is God (John 1:1, 14, 10:30-33, 20:28; Colossians 2:9; Philippians 2:5-8; Hebrews 1:8).
  • Jesus became a man (Philippians 2:1-11).
  • Jesus is fully God and fully man (Colossians 2:9; 1 Timothy 2:5; Hebrews 4:15; 2 Corinthians 5:21).
  • Jesus was sinless (1 Peter 2:22; Hebrews 4:15).
  • Jesus is the only way to God the Father (John 14:6; Matthew 11:27; Luke 10:22).
  • Man was created by God in the image of God (Genesis 1:26-27).
  • All people have sinned (Romans 3:23, 5:12).
  • Death came into the world through Adam’s sin (Romans 5:12-15).
  • Sin separates us from God (Isaiah 59:2).
  • Jesus died for the sins of each and every person in the world (1 John 2:2; 2 Corinthians 5:14; 1 Peter 2:24).
  • Jesus’ death was a substitutionary sacrifice. He died and paid the price for our sins, so that we might live. (1 Peter 2:24; Matthew 20:28; Mark 10:45).
  • Jesus resurrected from the dead in physical form (John 2:19-21).
  • Salvation is a free gift of God (Romans 4:5, 6:23; Ephesians 2:8-9; 1 John 1:8-10).
  • The Bible is the “inspired” or “God-breathed,” Word of God (2 Timothy 3:16; 2 Peter 1:21).
  • Those who reject Jesus Christ, after they die, will go to hell forever (Revelation 20:11-15, 21:8).
  • Those who accept Jesus Christ, after they die, will live for eternity with Him (John 11:25, 26; 2 Corinthians 5:6).
  • Hell is a place of punishment (Matthew 25:41, 46; Revelation 19:20).
  • Hell is eternal (Matthew 25:46).
  • There will be a rapture of the church (Matthew 24:30-36, 40-41; John 14:1-3; 1 Corinthians 15:51-52; 1 Thessalonians 4:16-17; 2 Thessalonians 2:1-12).
  • Jesus will return to the earth (Acts 1:11).
  • Christians will be raised from the dead when Jesus returns (1 Thessalonians 4:14-17).
  • There will be a final judgment (Hebrews 9:27; 2 Peter 3:7).
  • Satan will be thrown into the lake of fire (Revelation 20:10).
  • God will create a new heaven and a new earth (2 Peter 3:13; Revelation 21:1).

Revelations 22: 12 “And behold, I am coming quickly, and My reward is with Me, to give to every one according to his work.13 I am the Alpha and the Omega, the Beginning and the End, the First and the Last.”[f]Blessed are those who do His commandments,[g] that they may have the right to the tree of life, and may enter through the gates into the city. 15 But[h] outside are dogs and sorcerers and sexually immoral and murderers and idolaters, and whoever loves and practices a lie.16 “I, Jesus, have sent My angel to testify to you these things in the churches. I am the Root and the Offspring of David, the Bright and Morning Star.”17 And the Spirit and the bride say, “Come!” And let him who hears say, “Come!” And let him who thirsts come. Whoever desires, let him take the water of life freely.18 For[i] I testify to everyone who hears the words of the prophecy of this book: If anyone adds to these things, God will add[j] to him the plagues that are written in this book; 19 and if anyone takes away from the words of the book of this prophecy, God shall take away[k] his part from the Book[l] of Life, from the holy city, and from the things which are written in this book.20 He who testifies to these things says, “Surely I am coming quickly.”

Amen. Even so, come, Lord Jesus!

21 The grace of our Lord Jesus Christ be with you all.[m] Amen.

Posted in Ephesians, Exhort Pray Praise...

Ephesians 6:18- Conclusions

18 And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests.  In the Spirt, we are to pray about everything, for everything, and prayers and requests are specifically stated as two different things.  We have the full armor on, and we are to pray. Weilding the word of God, bound by truth, more actions for us to do.  I think of faith with out works is dead.  With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the Lord’s people. Pray for the Lords people.  Believers. It does not say pray for all the people of the world, nor the lost, but for the Lords people.  Our prayers for others is obviously needed also19 Pray also for me, that whenever I speak, words may be given me so that I will fearlessly make known the mystery of the gospel,  I pray often that my words not be mine but Gods, that he lead my mouth, he put the words in me.  I have a pastor friend that is pretty much a regular guy, a bit of an A#$ at times, but when he preaches/teaches I learn and hear so much of God, I think this is what we should all ask for as well as pray for those in leadership.   20 for which I am an ambassador in chains. Pray that I may declare it fearlessly, as I should. Fearlessly.  Another prayer I pray often for myself and others, that they have the Courage, and Strength to stand on God’s word and do his will- Man/Satan so often ‘gets his way’ because we let fear cause us to stumble.   21 Tychicus, the dear brother and faithful servant in the Lord, will tell you everything, so that you also may know how I am and what I am doing. 22 I am sending him to you for this very purpose, that you may know how we are, and that he may encourage you. 23 Peace to the brothers and sisters,[c] and love with faith from God the Father and the Lord Jesus Christ. 24Grace to all who love our Lord Jesus Christ with an undying love.   What Paul said, to you. 

So here we are all suited up, wearing an armor, to battle the evil that will come against us. Praying for others. 

Posted in Adoption, Christy's Concepts, Exhort Pray Praise...

We Can All Be Adopted

Keith and I went to the movies last night, we saw October Baby  Fantabulous, Christian, pro-life, adoption, soul feeding,life important movie. I teared a bit here and there, so did Keith, though I am sure he won’t admit it. I pretty much sobbed at the end.. a good sob though 🙂

The story,  of course gave me reason to think some more about this being adopted thing. It is hard for me to describe what it is to be adopted. I think that is how it is with a lot of we adoptee’s.  There is just something about not being wanted that effects you. Then, being wanted by someone who does not have to, who makes you their own, when the ones that should have didn’t, is just profound.

I understand why I was not wanted. It was not me, Christy, that she did not want, it was ‘the’ baby.  I don’t think badly of or have any anger towards my bio for not wanting me. I really do love her and care for her, as deeply as I can, for someone I don’t know very well. I appreciate that she wants a relationship with me now. I thank God we were given the opportunity to reunite. Yet, all the nice and good feelings I have for her does not change that I was not wanted.  So, I think I have a bit of issue with rejection. Sometimes I try too hard to ‘make’ rejection not occur, which usually backfires. OR I don’t try at all, so I can avoid imagined rejection.  Non adoptee’s go through this too, so I am not all that screwed up.

The other side of the not wanted thing, is that I was very wanted, by my parents. They wanted me, or at least a baby, which turned out to be me. Once they got me, they kept me, they made me theirs in their hearts. I see that ‘want’ ,that love, that an adoptive parent has, is possibly even more than that of biological parents. Kind of like the scripture Matthew 5:43 “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ 44 But I say to you, love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who spitefully use you and persecute you,[h] 45 that you may be sons of your Father in heaven; for He makes His sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust. 46 For if you love those who love you, what reward have you? Do not even the tax collectors do the same? 47 And if you greet your brethren only, what do you do more than others? Do not even the tax collectors[ do so?   It is easy to love someone you like and know and are suppose to love.  But to love someone different from you, some child that someone else did not want, that may have some genetic quirks no one expected, as if they are yours is a pretty awesome selfless thing.

During my teen years I was not always so sweet. Mom was not either. We definitely had our moments. If those moments were accentuated because we were of different genetic temperaments, I don’t know.  I do know Mom had a pretty B@#$% streak with all of us.  In rifts I would pull the adoption card on Mom, yelling that she understood nothing because she was not my real mom, and wishing my real mom had kept me etc.  Anything to hurt her, as much as I felt hurt. (I learned that from Mom). I know now, with kids of my own, just the accusation of my being un-understanding, or a ‘bad’ mom cuts me to the core. I can’t imagine the hurt Mom must have felt when I denied her being my ‘real’ mom.  I do know she never denied her love for me. Even at her worst most manipulative, controlling, selfish, moments, she loved me.  Mom and Dad never ever did not want me. Never threatened to kick me out. Never quit speaking to me. Never said I was too much trouble or they did not want to handle my problems. They always wanted me. Always desired me to be their child. It was me that wanted it differently, sometimes. When things got ugly I wanted for happiness and security in an imagined world, away from those that wanted me, because they were not making me happy.  I could have run away to another life, chosen to leave, turned my back on my parents. That would not have changed their wanting me, loving me, it would have changed them having me.

God wants us. He loves us. He desires us to be his children.  John 3:1616 “For God so loved the world, that He gave His [a]only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish, but have eternal life.    And as Paul says, 1 Timothy 4 (God)who desires all men to be saved and to come to the [c]knowledge of the truth      Even though we are not his from birth–John 8:44  You are of your father the devil, and you want to do the desires of your father. He was a murderer from the beginning, and does not stand in the truth because there is no truth in him. Whenever he speaks [a]a lie, he speaks from his own nature, for he is a liar and the father of lies.  Instead of us being infants waiting for our father to pluck us up,we are children. We are of age to choose to stay in’ the system’ or agree to be adopted. We are children of the world, an abusive, evi,l manipulate, lying, father, who does not want us, he just want’s to use us for his own gain. We can leave him and choose to be adopted. To become Gods children.God has applied and is approved to take us.  John 1:12 But as many as received Him, to them He gave the right to become children of God, even to those who believe in His name, 13 who were born, not of blood nor of the will of the flesh nor of the will of man, but of God.  To make us HIS OWN 2 Corinthians 5:17 Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come.

If we choose to stay in the world, to stay children of Satan it,to turn our backs on God, does not change that God wants us, it just keeps us separated from him.   41 “Then He will also say to those on His left, ‘Depart from Me, accursed ones, into the eternal fire which has been prepared for the devil and his angels; 42 for I was hungry, and you gave Me nothing to eat; I was thirsty, and you gave Me nothing to drink; 43 I was a stranger, and you did not invite Me in; naked, and you did not clothe Me; sick, and in prison, and you did not visit Me.’ 44 Then they themselves also will answer, ‘Lord, when did we see You hungry, or thirsty, or a stranger, or naked, or sick, or in prison, and did not take care of You?’ 45 Then He will answer them, ‘Truly I say to you, to the extent that you did not do it to one of the least of these, you did not do it to Me.’ 46 These will go away into eternal punishment, but the righteous into eternal life.” It is our choice. We can choose the world over God. If we choose the world, the analogy roles change a bit here:God gives us up, gives us over to our sin. It is like bio mom, she gave up the baby, not ME. God does not want the sin, but he does want us.  The problem is if we choose the world we become the sin.

What if in one of my rants as a teenager I did leave my home, my parents whom desired me, wanted me? What if I had chosen against the love they offered, in search of what I believed to be better? Would my walking out have caused them to not want me? No, they would have always wanted me. Did their wanting me make me genetically theirs? No, I am forever genetically of another world. If I choose to be of my biological world, and deny my parents want/love I am not their child, my choice.  What if I took the name of my biological family denied my parents name and when they died ,I stood in front of the judge to receive my inheritance?……. He would say   ‘I don’t know you; DEPART FROM ME, YOU WHO PRACTICE LAWLESSNESS. ’Matthew 7:23.  I would forever be lost from those who had loved and desired for me to choose them. Eternally separated to suffer the consequence of my sin.