Posted in Christy's Concepts, Exhort Pray Praise...

The Pressure of Anxiety

Most of my life I have had extremely low blood pressure. 117/70’s was my norm. Then about my 40’s it crept to a normal 120/80. 

Then in my mid 40’s I developed White Coat syndrome and my BP went up in the MD office, when they used the electronic machine.  I attribute that to the time I became chronically dehydrated and no MD could figure it out.  One of my emergency room visits’ I am in horrible neck migraine pain and throwing up, the nurse is taking my blood pressure and I am heaving. I keep asking her to take the cuff off of me, between heaves, because it is getting so tight, my arm feels like it is going to burst.  She tells me she “cant get a read. Because you keep moving around. Thats why it keeps getting tighter.” I do my best to get indignant between heaves and let her know I can not throw up without moving. 

I HATE throwing up. It FREEKS me out.So thereI was throwing up.In public, in a bucket, with an idiot nurse telling me to be still, while the machine is turning my arm blue. Finally she yanks the cuff off and mumbles something and moves me to my room. I get anxious remembering it all 

From that point on the machine reads have not worked correctly. They are always high. Unless taken at home with my mothers old reader.  I convinced my MD/DO of all this, she seemed to believe it.  Each time I was in I had to explain this to the nurse of the day.  Finally one of them took it the manual old fashioned way and explained to me that my pulse was very faint. She believed the machine was miscounting because of this. She registered my blood pressure just a tad over normal.  

Well, this last annual visit, it would not even get down to normal with the manual.  It is like 20 points too high on both sides. Usually my high is on the systolic side and only about 5 to 10 above good, so the MD/DO would let it be White Coat. This time she does not let it go. 

The MD/DO orders an EKG, which only confirms that something is different and ‘worse’ than the last time I had and EKG.  Crap.  This may explain the tightness I feel in my chest about 95% of the time.  Or maybe not.  I ,again, am arguing with the MD/DO that I don’t believe it is just high BP, it is a symptom of something else we can’t get a handle on.  The low D, the low mag, the low potassium, or maybe low B2.  I found the B2 possibility, with MTHFR issues, on a quick internet search while she out reading charts .  She agrees all are possible and orders blood work and a weeks worth of my taking my BP at home before she prescribes. 

I  gave about 10 tubes of blood then went and bought a new blood pressure monitor, with blue tooth. Woo Hoo.   I had been using my mothers.She has no longer needed it for over 10 years now   

I then drive to Costco to shop, adding the BP machine to my list, my chest is aching more, I am panicky. I DONT WANT HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE. I don’t want to keel over in public or in front of my grandkids someday. I don’t want to have failed my body, so much to give it high blood pressure. This just makes me angry at myself. 

I tell husband and his first question is “What meds does that doctor have you on? “ 

Me: “Just the antiviral and the Levo for my thyroid.  Neither are ‘that kind’ of drug. 

When I get home I check the Acyclovir. Nothing on the symptoms/side effects list.  Then I typed in ‘High blood pressure Acyclovir’ . ( I have auto immune issues with Celiac/MTHFR/ Hashimotos/ I take this because I get bacterial infections easily, yet MD does not want me on antibiotics ever, so logic is have anti viral so body does not have to kill viruses and bacteria when they hit, made since then :()

Well, damn. There it is. You just gotta know what you don’t know to find out what you need. 

So I now am off the Acyclovir. My BP did go down a few points about 24 hours later.  I thought I was on the way to healing. But it went back up again, then down, then up…since then.  It may help, but hasn’t cured, yet. 

I started taking my BP reading every AM just when I wake. High.  Then after exercise in AM it is several points lower. Almost normal. There is no pattern to the highs and lows, except in the AM it is always high. Sometimes it is almost normal, and other times I think my heart should be exploding. 

Weird.  

I added some apple cider vinegar  mixed with water, blech. I added a ginger elixir, I found  the recipe on Pinterest.

One night, as I lie dying, from climbing 3 flights of stairs, in an ancient hotel in a small Colorado town at 10,000 feet. This Texas Girl lives below sea level where oxygen is readily available. I continued searches for hypertension causes.I  found this list of causes: 

  • Being Fat- Got that, but I have been overweight for years and had very low bp.
  • Thyroid disease Got that, but I have had that for years . My blood pressure has not been high until just recently.
  • Family history- Don’t got that 
  • White coat Anxiety- Got that but this is beyond the ‘white coat’
  • Anxiety Stress—Repeat of the above ,in the beyond.   Ah ha. I do have that. I am in the midst of that. Trying to ignore it, cause I don’t like being an emotional ninny.

 I am a mind over matter kind of person.Job 20:2 (NKJV)Therefore my anxious thoughts make me answer, Because of the turmoil within me. 

I am the rock in a crisis. I trust in God. I turn my burdens over to him.Philippians 4:6 (NKJV)e anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God;   

I am strong. I have endured tons of trials and tribulations.

BUT this one is really, REALLY killing me. My heart aches all the time because it is holding in the pain. Crying is my release. I HATE to cry.

The lowest my blood pressure has been is the morning, after I spent the majority of the night crying over this trial. But then it comes back. 

I KNOW my hypertension is from my anxiety over this.  I didn’t think I had anxiety

God says, don’t be anxious. Philippians 4:6 (NKJV) Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God;

Easier commanded than done. It is in my head constantly. 

Why? 

What can I do to fix this? 

Will doing something just make it worse? 

When will God intervene?  How? 

Maybe I deserve this? 

I can’t walk away. 

Have I missed my opportunity to fix this? 

What did I do wrong?

How do I repent/rectify if I don’t know what I did wrong? 

Will I stroke out before this gets fixed?

…. My heart hurts. 

I pray.

Psalms 55:2 (NKJV) Attend to me, and hear me; I am restless in my complaint, and moan noisily 

I think I let go, and ‘let’ God. I don’t. I can’t .I hold it because what if God’s plan is not what I want? 

I remember

Jeremiah 29:11 (NKJV)For I know the plans that I have for you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.

What if “for His glory,” is not in my time? David didn’t get to build the Temple for God, Solomon did after David died.  

The Holy Spirit reminds me

David.. the shepherd boy that killed a giant with a stone.  The least likely to be king that became the greatest. A man after Gods own heart. A man who sinned and repented. A man who was hated so much by his king, that he loved and respected, and by his own son, that they wanted to kill him. BA man who grieved the son who hated him. A man who lost a child as a consequence of his own sin. A man who never doubted God

So now I ask….

What do I do? 

Psalms 55:22 (NKJV)Cast your burden on the Lord, And He shall sustain you; He shall never permit the righteous to be moved

Matthew 11:30 28Come to me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. 29Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart,and you will find rest for your souls. 30

Then? 

Psalms 27:14 (NKJV)Wait on the Lord; Be of good courage, And He shall strengthen your heart; Wait, I say, on the Lord!

Psalms 130:5 (NKJV)I wait for the Lord, my soul waits, And in His word I do hope

How can I wait and trust and endure? 

Philippians 4:13 (NKJV)I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

Then my strength is renewed

Isaiah 40:331But those who wait on the Lord Shall renew their strength; They shall mount up with wings like eagles, They shall run and not be weary, They shall walk and not faint

So tonight, I wait, and I trust that my trial that is causing my tribulation will end.  

I have faith

James 1:2 (NKJV)My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials,

James 1:3 (KJV)Knowing this, that the trying of your faith worketh patience.

Because Jesus has got it: 

Matthew 11:29 (NKJV)Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.

Psalms 23:4 (NKJV)  Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil; For You are with me; Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me

My heart begins to heal literally, my anxiety leaves (‘leaves’ get it? )

Jeremiah 17:8 (NKJV)For he shall be like a tree planted by the waters, Which spreads out its roots by the river, And will not fear when heat comes; But its leaf will be green, And will not be anxious in the year of drought, Nor will cease from yielding fruit.

In the morning after writing this last night. After letting friends ‘know’ of this trial I am in and their prayers, my blood pressure is not perfect but it is normal enough…. Thank you God. I know you will restore all.  

Author:

Aspiring to be the Christian Gluten Free Queen of the World. I love writing/blogging, painting, decorating, grand mothering, cooking, helping others BE gluten free, old movies, family, God, animals, my kids, my grandkids, my husband, talking about adoption. I know about painting murals, cooking gluten free, being a mother in law, special needs, cleft palates, Pierre Robin, Celiac, marriage, faith, God, sons, dogs, cats, gardening, a little bit of horses, building a house and living life blessed.

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