Posted in 50 in 50 days, Family

Wish I Might Go Back..30days to 50

Scan 96The boys remind me of my failures,as a mom, so often.Usually it is the same few ‘bad Mommy dearest moments. But still, I wish they did not have those to remember. I always respond in my defense, that there were 365 days in a year and they lived with me for 18 years, so just to have a few baddies in the midst of all the rest, I can’t have been that horrendous a mom.Scan 12

When Lee started school I took a 3 day a week  job with a church, and Brian went to pre school, other than that I was always home, with Lee and Brian. Then later with Evan, when the boys were both in school.  I and the boys were always together, sometimes Keith joined in. Keith worked oilfield at first and spent a lot of after hours with ‘the guys’,the boys were babies then so they did not miss him much then. By the time they were toddlers Scan 37he worked graveyard for the USPS and slept (or tried to) till 3 and then we started our ‘family’ time.Scan 45

I was not a neat and tidy gotta have it allinplace kind of mom.Scan 40Still not. I can remember them having tents intheir room,I must have set that up. We colored together. Built Lego junk. Played outside with the dogs and riding toys. I must have dumped and refilled the kiddie pool twice a day in the summer, between them peeing in it and the dogs swimming and shedding in it. Played in their oversized room with the Little Tykes slide, and teeter totter.  We walked to the little ‘old stuff’ park at least once a week, stopping at the blue house to talk to the elderly  man who would always call out to us. He would ruffle Lee’s hair, Lee would act silly and Brian would stare at him from the stroller, daring him , with those giant ,brown, introvert eyes, to just try and touch his  head. Scan 97We would go to their grandmothers house (my mother in law) to swim, THEY loved it. We made trips to my parents without Keith and just ‘do’ Lubbock and Ransom Canyon.Scan 134

A lot of doctor visits and hospital visits arein the memory bank with the boys. Stitches, elbow’s out of socket, ear infections, well baby checks, asthma, and ‘Brian attacks'(undiagnosed Celiac) were our main reasons.  Then Evan was born with Pierre Robin  and also the search for reason of ‘Brian attacks’ became more intense. We made lots of trips to ‘real’ hospitals and doctors in Dallas. So vacations and memories became Six Flags and baseball games and shopping in big malls, and hotel rooms, and hospital waiting rooms.

I really loved being with the kids. Hated them to go to schoolScan 128. I wanted to homeschool them all, but as circumstances were, I only had opportunity to homeschool Evan. I did not like the school people telling me to feed my kids breakfast and wanting excuses of why I did not send them to school.  They are MINE, if I want to starve them in the morning and send them to Tinbucktoo I can, it is no business of MISD!On Brian Attack days I loved having him home with me, except that he was sick, yet again, and we did not know why.Scan 66

I wish the boys would remember the stuff I did good. Not the Chore Cards I made up for them to do their chores. They forget that their only chores were trash, clean room, unload dishes, and scoop dog poop, divided between the 2 then 3 of them. They forget because they never did their chores. 😉 . Not the PMS days, I did have them and I was nuts, but that really was only about 3 days a month, 3 out of 30 aint bad! AND I went and had surgery to fix it all, just for them!!! Not the spankings that went bad, because Leewould leap around trying to dodge the ‘bullet’ and get it in the wrong place. Why not remember our coming to his defense and making the Principle apologize for bruising him from hip to knee. Brian complains that I punished him 1st as an example to Lee, and ‘Lee made me do it anyway’. Yes, and it tore Lee up to be responsible for the punishment of Brian, andBrian needed to know how to make decisions on his own, good or bad.  He does now, and most of them are good.

E with buttonEvan is a bit of a different go back. The olders think he is lacking because I coddle too much. Maybe. Scan 65 But I think he has more than anyone expected him to have, because I pushed him really really hard. I wantedhim to be so much like his brothers, to have everything they did and would. The olders don’t see that the time spent pushing Evan was not the fun stuff they and I got to do.Scan 67 The playground with Evan I was pushing prodding, forcing ,him to climb, to cross bridges, to swing high. It scared him, it frustrated me, it was not fun. Growing up was not fun for Evan, Lee and Brian don’t see that.DSCF2081-7

If I might go back, it would be to tape it all, to make a documentary. To show them and myself (and my mother in law) how very much love was in our home. To show how many miracles happened everyday for our family. To show all we have accomplished. To show all the prayers I prayed and all the tears I have cried for my children. To show how God carried us through it all. I bet God has one we can see someday.

To My Grown Up Son.

Ask the parents of grown up children
And they will tell you
It is better to be able to say “I am glad I did”
Than to have to say “I wish I had”

My hands were busy through the day
I did not have much time to play
The little games you ask me to
I did not have much time for you

I’d wash your clothes; I’d sew and cook
But when you’d bring your picture book
And ask me please to share your fun
I’d say “a little later son”

I’d tuck you in all safe at night
Hear your prayers and turn out the light
Then tiptoe softly to the door
I wish I had stayed a minute more

For life is short and years rush past
A little boy grows up so fast
No longer is he at your side
His precious secrets to confide

The picturebooks are put away
There are no children games to play
No goodnight kiss, no prayers to hear
That all belongs to yesteryear

My hands once busy now lie still
The days are long and hard to fill
I wish I might go back and do
The little things you asked me to

Alice A Chace

Posted in 50 in 50 days, Politics, Rants Raves

I AM Under God. 31days to 50

Godless Leadership: When They Don’t Want God.

When I hear others or I speak of our ‘fallen’ government, or those in leadership being corrupt,  many Christians respond with that we have ‘love and respect our government because God placed it there. Citing

Romans 13 Let every soul be subject to the governing authorities. For there is no authority except from God, and the authorities that exist are appointed by God. . 2 Therefore whoever resists the authority resists the ordinance of God, and those who resist will bring judgment on themselves.

Well,I suppose that by itself, pretty much does seem to say respect the governing forces. Or does it? Respect? It says be subject to.-To submit to. Submit, to be in subjection. To yield to the power of authority of another(government). Nothing about respect nor agree with. 

As I read deeper into the meaning of these words I find that ‘governing authorities’ was actually ‘powers’ which in Greek means: subj; privilege, force capacity competency freedom or as an obj mastery. concur: magistrate superhuman, potentate token of control- Thesauras words authority, jurisdiction, liberty power, right strength 

In Hebrew,-Appointed/ordained:   to be arranged in an orderly manner- 

What I notice ,when looking at this, word for word comparing to Greek and Hebrew the original language of God’s word. It does not say certain particular leaders are chosen by God.  Choose, Chosen are different words with different meanings, than Ordained. Choose is to select in Hebrew. This word is only used 1x in Greek New Testement, it means to take for oneself, to make a choice. 

For example: I ordain gluten free living for myself.  I do not CHOOSE to be gluten intolerant, I just am. , I do arrange being gluten free in an orderly manner of my lifestyle.

All of this confirms MY understanding of this scripture. Putting it in context also with all the surrounding talk Paul is doing in 12,13,14.15.16 of Romans. Paul is telling Christians how to ‘be’ Christians, and play nice, basically. 

ALL are to give way under pressure/force of those in authority. (wives to husbands, children to parents, students to teachers, citizens to society laws, elected officials to those who elected them) Powers only exist through God. God created governing/ powers  for order, to punish evil, so we might be able to judge right from wrong and live without destroying ourselves here. The Ten Commandments, the Law, all the instructions from God are to have us yield to ‘power’ to others, to live in peace. If we do not yield to our ‘powers’ we will have consequences. We will be punished for breaking the law,(i.e. ticket for speeding) and or physically hurt for disobeying/opposing (ie injured in wreck caused by speeding). 

BUT- This does not say that evil leaders are hand picked and placed in their seats ‘of power’ by God. This does not say that those the ‘people’ choose and God allows to be King,President, Chief, Grand Poop On are doing the will of God. WE the PEOPLE are allowed to choose. 1Samuel8:But when they said, “Give us a king to lead us,” this displeased Samuel; so he prayed to the Lord. 7 And the Lord told him: “Listen to all that the people are saying to you; it is not you they have rejected, but they have rejected me as their king.

God knows who the majority will choose. God knows who will choose to be leaders, if they will do his will or be dictators,of people. God knows the consequences we will suffer for not choosing a leader who obey’s Him. God knows the false prophets and teachers that intend to lead His people astray.  God expects beleivers to stand against evil, to stand for righteousness, to obey. God warns us over and over of the evils of man. Man makes up the leadership of our governments, our churches, our society.  God tells us to know HIM, then he will show us the right way Proverbs 2:9Then you will understand righteousness and justice, Equity and every good path The Israelites continued to turn away from God, to idols, to other leaders, disobeying, forgetting Him. They were captured, tortured,oppressed, killed. God brought famine, plagues, natural disaster, caused women to be barren, and war on ALL of HIS CHILDREN, because of those who would not pay attention. 

We are not to blindly follow our ‘powers’ to bow down to their wishes and demands. Acts 5:29 But Peter and the other apostles answered and said: x“We ought to obey God rather than men.

David ran from King Saul when he was under his ‘employ’. David snuck up and cut a peice of his clothing off as Saul pooped. How is that being ‘respectful’? Obedient? Shouldn’t David have just stood for the abuse and possibly been killed by Saul, since Saul , his king and employer, wanted that? David did always honor the position OF king, which Saul happened to be. That is why he did not kill Saul as he pooped, nor in his sleep. David killed even the man who bragged about killing Saul, even though he actually did not. All for the honor of the position, NOT Saul. 1 and 2 Samuel is full of right and wrong ‘power’.

 I do not agree with nor respect our president or  government. I know our government, especially that government which abides to Obama is evil and bent to destroy a country that was built on the principles of God. I do not agree with nor respect those in leadership of my own church.  I do not agree with nor respect the police officer who texts and drives, or speeds to the donut shop. I do not agree with nor respect a man who physically or mentally abuses his wife and children. Those that  do not obey or respect God and His Word are not to receive respect nor honor, nor agreement.  

I know a governing is set in place by God. And if the ‘power’ is abiding to God, I should and do submit. My husband asks of me something I do not WANT to do, yet it is not against God’s will. I comply. A posted speed limit seems ridiculous for the long stretch of road, is not against God’s will, just mine. I comply. I honor the positions of ‘powers’ by not slandering names, shaming men. I comply. 

Romans 8:28 And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose.

I know God is the authority of all power. I know God will set all things in order to work for Him. I see that the evil manipulations of corrupt leaderst are causing the righteous to stand up. We have become complacent, willing to let someone else do it, no questions asked.  We have listened to the great lie too long. God did not create this evil. God does not WANT for oppression of man. Man chooses it. 

Posted in 50 in 50 days

33 DAYS TO 50-TV and Me

Skipped a few days, but the countdown continues. I don’t blog much on weekends. Keith is here. Church. Family stuff. Weekend stuff. I just don’t sit at this thing much on the weekend. Today I paid bills. I was on hold with Direct for EVER, trying to fix the new upgrade, got it lined up, then went walking/running and rethought and called and cancelled the new added on account.  I am almost 50 I can change my mind, if I want to.

Direct TV has a thing named Hopper and Joey’s now. Suppose to be able to record, watch, go to another room and watch the same on a different TV kind of like having it on the same channel 😉 . I really wanted to just get Evan’s cable box upgraded, somehow we got a non DVR for him. One of our controls was really going through the batteries, so thought upgrade and a few more bells and whistles might be nice.  It became a HUGE mess.  Lots of techno babble that kept us from having DVR and Hopper/joeys. so needed to set up new account or not have as many joey’s because 1 hopper in apartment and can only have 2 hoppers on account, blah blah blah. When I first made the order I got a little embarrassed about how many hook ups we have, there are only two of us, and we have 5 televisions in this house. Evan has one.  Keith had the same feeling, we over indulged.  We have been rethinking our TV watching since.

I like TV, it is a constant friend, someone that talks all day long to me. TV is a family tradition, for me. My family always had TV, we had a colored TV as long as I can remember. Our televisions were the big consoles in the wooden cases. Mom chose them to match the den furniture, and the prettiest and biggest. Dad always bought the most elaborate ‘rabbit ears’ to set on top of the TV, Mom was opposed having an antenna on the house. Dad should have just told her to get over it. Instead I grew up watching television with snow, or ‘ghosts on the best reception channels, the bad channels were flipping lines and fizzle sound, usually we only had 1 good channel, 1 bad, and 1 maybe.

Family time revolved around TV- Dad loved TV. Mom liked it. Mom did not have to mess with us much if the TV was on. So, TV dinners on old school trays in front of TV is a comforting childhood memory of mine. Family Affair, Petticoat Junction, The Munsters, That Girl,The Flying Nun Lucy Ball in her various stages, Carol Burnett, Red Skelton, I Dream of  Jeannie, Bewitched with the 2 Darrens, Brady Bunch, Manix, Get Smart, Bonanza, Green Acres, Mod Squad, Laugh In, Rowen and Martin, McMillan and Wife, Mary Tyler Moore My Three Sons, Mission Impossible,McCloud, Archie Bunker. They all shared my evening meals.  We laughed together, we listened together, we ate together. It was good.

When I was 7 or 8 Mike moved out, then Kirk left home when I was about 12. Dad got a second job at Sears, and went to work right after he finished his teaching days and bus driving.Mom went with him and sat in the car or walked around the Mall. I was at home alone from the time I was 12 till I started working nights at 16.  TV and I were all that was left of the family. Love boat, Fantasy Island, Mork and Mindy…

When I am alone the TV is on, I  barely watching it most of the time.  I like the sound. I choose , I like the oldies, also I don’t like commercials..  Keith and I do  have some favorites we watch together. Big Bang, Mike and Molly. We share that time, laugh together, if he falls asleep I wake him up because I need to have him laugh with me.  But TV is not my companion anymore. Keith is.

Good night, Momma, Daddy,John Boy, Mary Ellen, Erin, Jason, Jim Bob, Elizabeth, Grandma, Grandpa

Posted in 50 in 50 days, Family

42 to 50- Grandma day

Glorious day!  This was my first ALL my Grandboys day! I have had some granddaughter days, and a few all one family days, and those always involve girls. but never an all grand boy day. So fun! LIke the days I had ‘just’ boys.  The weather cooporated too, so we got to go out side and play some, feed the horses snacks, dig in the dirt, play with the dogs, throw some dirt a bit, it was good!

When the girls come and I say  “Lets go out side and…. .”  I usually get  Why? or  “But the doggies might tear my dress up dress”. Can’t we paint something instead? ” Or Cheyanne will ask “Can we look for horny toads/or frogs/ or lizards/?” and then “Why can’t we find horny toads/frongs or lizards after no looking and enough noise and shreiks  and whining about the stickers, dogs, heat/cold  from little sister, has almost run me away with the lizard toads and frogs.  I LOVE the girls, but they are sooooooooooo much harder to ‘please’ than the boys. Always in need.  I suppose this is from growing up with only boys and having only boys.  Boys seem to just do. Girls need to socialize and verbalize when they do.

So the boys and I needed to go and get the foster pup some food. On the way to the shop all the dogs were spoken to and tails were grabbed, rocks picked up and dropped again. We stopped by Evan’s apartment, he was home one more day after going on an antibiotic for throat infection. Evan had all of his matchbox car collection out, the boys were in heaven. Ty 4, Law, practically 3 and Colton 2 1/2 all drop to their knees and start driving and making car noises perfectly and, stating in their various stages of language, ‘tractor’ ‘truck’ race car’, helicopter’ bus’ . The next trip was to give the horses snacks, Colton who loves the horses from a distance was not as keen of big horse right next to him, so I held him as the other boys gave the snacks.  Back in the shop Colton found a cap to put on, just till he got to the door then he spied a helmet, threw the cap on the floor, which Ty picked up and put on, and put on the helmet. Law looked at them both like they were nuts to have something on their heads, other than a cowboy hat. We then went in grabbed a Glutino ‘oreo’ and headed for nap time.

At nap time, I first tried to put Colton down in the crib as his mom had suggested. There was no way that would happen, even with the helmet. His two older cousins were not in the baby bed  he was not going to have such and insult. So they all three lay in the bed, I below their feet reading the book Ty picked out, The 3 Little Pigs, and holding the book up so they could see the pictures. I made voices for each pig different and a big deep voice for the wolf, and huffed and puffed myself till I had a coughing fit.  The book is one I had as a child, so it is not so watered down as the 3 littlle pig story they have heard before, they were shocked to here that that big bad wolf dropped into the boiling water and boiled up, and that was the end of him.  Ty said “The wolf usuwally runned away, and didn’t die. I guess that is ok though. “I toughened em up today. 😉 and then they slept. DSCF3011

Posted in 50 in 50 days

Biggest wind in my 50 years! 43 to 50

So I sat out yet another day of my countdown to 50– No one said every stinking day- Just that there would be a countdown 😉

I spent yesterday not blogging. Yesterday was an absolutely gorgeous day! Especially after the Wicked Wind of  West Texas hit on the 25th. Truly it was so calm and warm it was like the day before never happened. I felt like Dorothy landing in Oz. All in living color.

The 25th, will be remembered for generations. All over Texas: Central North Texas with snow Lubbock and Amarillo.  Then good, old, pretty much the desert ,West Texas. When the 60 winds started slamming the house I let the dogs come into the fenced yard, thinking they could get on the south side of the house and be blocked from the COLD wind blowing 60+ miles an hour. NOPE. The wind was blowing on all four sides of the house. Blew our big star off the house, it was bouncing around the yard, along with whirlwinds of debris and tumbleweeds. It was really safer for the dogs to be in their pen, which is blocked well with the shop. So ‘we’ started to move, I carried foster pup and the bigs followed, very obedient to walk out in that wind. Phoebe the Border was blown off of her feet! I got them all in the pen then started to move the little dog house, for the foster pup. The bigs had  their igloos. I had to split the bottom from the top and make two trips. It would have been comical if I hadn’t had visions of Dorothy and Toto flying through the air. I could not walk against the wind with the dog house in hand, it slammed into me, HARD.  So, I walked backwards the 100 feet having to stop every few feet to just plant myself to not tumble away. At the end of it all, I had muddy streaks down my face from the tears that the wind blew out of my eyes, my hair was dirt dreadlocks, because I was stupid enough to have just taken a shower before going out, my ears were FULL of dirt, but the dogs were now safe.

We really fared pretty well. The wind blew off the star. Blew the rungs out of a side of a very ugly fort built with old fence sections. Blew a wall of tumbleweeds on the gate, which we set free. Blew the BBQ grill down the porch and over. All no loss really. Lee, my oldest lost part of his shingles, found out he has a 4800 deduct, I suspect he will replace them himself. Brian, the next, lost the kids super duper wooden playground, Ashton said “It may need duct tape.” 😉  Then there were those who had it really bad. Tumbleweeds Cover One Midland Home – KWES NewsWest 9 / Midland, Odessa, Big Spring, TX: |

West Texas Windstorm pict on facebook


Posted in 50 in 50 days, Missions of LIFE

Well with my soul- 40 days to 50

The funeral from Friday,  talk has prompted more death talk. I am going to die someday, we all are. And as mentioned before odd’s are I have less time to live than the 50 years I have lived.  Probably somewhere between 20 and 30  years. There is a possibility I get another 40 years out of this body, IF I lose this last 30 lbs, and I don’t kill myself trying to.

Of course there are the unforseen’s that could let me leave this world and enter God’s sooner. 2 Corinthians 5:8 8 Yes, we are of good courage, and we would rather be away from the body and at home with the Lord. Bread trucks, cancer and such. If I have a choice, and I think, I do, there are a few ways don’t want to die.

I don’t want to die choking on food. To die because I put yet one more thing in my mouth I didn’t need and not even chew it correctly, would be a total fail on my part.

I don’t want to drown, at sea especially. I can’t think of any reason to be in the ocean other than a cruise or pleasure boating. An indulgence being the ‘cause’ of my death is just wrong. Also having been a lifeguard, it is insulting.

Drunk driver or stupid driver not paying attention, I don’t want to die because someone was too stupid to pull their head out. I don’t want to be the stupid driver either. I would hate for the last thought I had to be, “Damn’ that was stupid Chris”.

A random bullet from what we call ‘Little Mexico’. Which is within shooting distance of our home. A bullet has already ‘randomely’ come through the ceiling of MY closet, from those that reside there :(. If I die because of  the law not doing their job and taking care illegal activity, that I would be prosecuted for, I would be really ticked off.

Really, dying from something that could have been prevented, would just piss me off. Preventable, in that, someone somewhere could have made a better choice, me and others. Deliberate sins, mistakes, bad decisions.

God knows all, created all, and does allow or disallow, what ever He wills. We don’t understand, can’t understand the beginning and end and all the way throughness of God. He does not plan the future, he knows the future,he is beyond the future. God knows every future that can be, He hopes for our sake our future is the future without the sins, mistakes and bad decisions. He knows the future with just a few bumps in the road, and the future with a whole mountain of ‘explicit’, and the future that has not even a ripple in the path.

I know a lot of people say ‘It was God’s will’ or “God is in control” or ‘It is all in God’s plan’, when someone dies of ‘something’ . I say yes and no to that.  God does not will any one to die. God’s will is that we live to the full purpose he has planned for us. God does not plan for the drunk driver become drunk, to decide to drive, to kill. God does not make me pick up my phone and start reading a text while I drive.

God did not knock Kirk down in his driveway.   God did not manipulate the chromosomes of Evan to cause his craniofacial deformity. God did not cause the anesthesiologist to be ignorant of airways on Pierre Robin babies. God did not cause my bio parents to have premarital sex. God does not lead a woman to abort a child. God did not cause Herod to kill all baby boys. God does not cause cancer cells to grow. God did not genetically alter wheat so man can not digest it. God does not make an alcoholic drink.  God did not tell Eve to disobey. God knows it will be happening and to whom. God does use each and every stupid, evil thing we do, at the leading of our earthly parent, Satan, for His purpose. Whether we know it or not.

God did not create sin. God did not create disobedience. God does not control sin. God does not control disobedience. He tells us to.  We all die physical and spiritual death because of sin. We have illness, genetic flaws, cancer, accidents, because of disobedience. Maybe it is not our direct disobedience, it is ‘man’ disobedience, hundreds of years of man interfering with God’s perfect creation.

God’s plan is for man to live a long productive life for Him.

At first Man lived, forever, Adam 930 years, Noah 950  .Then God decided to change things up (He can do that you know)  Genesis 6:3 Then the Lord said, “My Spirit will not contend with humans forever, for they are mortal; their days will be a hundred and twenty years.”    So man’s life span started to dwindle, Abraham 175,  Isaac 180, Moses 120.


Our purpose is to be productiveGenesis 9:7As for you, be fruitful and increase in number; multiply on the earth and increase upon it.”  

Ephesians 2:10 10 For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them

Matthew 28:19–20 19 Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, 20 teaching them to observe all that I have commanded you. And behold, I am with you always, to the end of the age.

Deuteronomy 6:5 You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your strength.

Guess who does not want for ‘us’ to do our purpose?  1 Peter 5:8  Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour.

None are ‘purposed’ to die young, we are missioned to go out and do God’s work, to bring more and more of his lost back to him, if we die physical death young, that is the world ‘taking’ us out, not God.   Revelation 21:4 And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes; there shall be no more death, nor sorrow, nor crying. There shall be no more pain, for the former things have passed away.”  But it will be.

I used to pray the childhood prayer of ” Now I lay me down to sleep pray the Lord my soul to keep. If I should die before I wake I pray the Lord my soul to take.” I frightened me, the thought of waking up dead. Now I am not at all afraid of death, I know it is not an end, it is continuation.  But I will be pissed of if the world( whether it be me or thee) takes me out, before God, and He will be to!

Posted in 50 in 50 days

When I Die……

Keith and I went to a friends, mother’s funeral today. It was a couple of hour drive so we had a bit of time to talk about, our funerals and our ideas of an ideal funeral for ourselves. Of course the irony in planning your own funeral, you won’t be there to enjoy it, or know if those alive have followed through with your request, and I really doubt we will care much at that point either 😉

The funeral we attended was in a nice smaller town Methodist church. This lady was truly loved, the church was almost full, the family came in and filled about 6 rows.  This church was fairly old, it was a ‘1st’, the stain glassed windows were beautiful and the wooden pews made me feel in ‘church’, instead of a theater, as I do now in our newly built church. It brought back memories of  my grandparents church, another 1st Methodist, in Anson TX. It IS a beautiful OLD church.  The original church was built in 1908 (more was added when I was about 6) The sanctuary has dark wood floors, that creaked and echoed when you walked down the aisle, dark massive wooden pews, and stained glass windows all around, I loved looking at those windows during the service.

I thought of the funerals I have attended, not a lot, but a few. A few of those too too young to die. When Kirk died I started missing more funerals. It was not that they upset me, or I could not handle them, I just got the idea that the families might rather have their privacy.  I think I must have felt that way a bit at Kirk’s funeral.  Then I started to realize IF there is a service, it is because the families DO want their loved one to be recognized, it gives a sense of pride to know these people want to ‘honor’ your loved one.   I, like so many others, don’t attend the funerals of ‘older people’ as much as I attend the funerals of younger. This is obvious by the standing room only of those very young that die and the empty pews of a 70 yr olds service.  I know see how much comfort it brings the spouse of the 70 with  hugs and well wishes, and the grown children a sense of pride from the numbers of people who attend the funeral.

Funerals have changed since my grandparents died 30 some odd years ago, from a church service of describing the deceased and giving a quick sermon of faith and hope and maybe an invitation to believe before it is too late, with an optional invitation to attend the  graveyard service.  It is now a slide show of the deceased, solos and music productions, stories of the deceased from several in the crowd, to a preaching  ending with instructions of how to get to the graveside with not much option to miss, with a meal following in the fellowship hall. The graveyard is usually a lengthy preaching and reading all it own, with another long line of hugs and sympathy.

I suppose thinking bout funerals could be morbid to some, but it is just a part of life actually. We do all die. It seems like no one want’s to talk about it. My thought is to have a yearly write up of all the things I would want said to all those I love, rewrite it every year I survive another. Being 50 I am pretty sure I am closer to dying than living.  There is a small chance I am only halfway there, but still it is inevitable.

So after a bit of talk I think I like the idea of 1 service, either at the church or at the graveside, not both. I would like  headstone, so years later my ancestors can trace me into their tree with ‘Find A Grave. com.  Though I do have several pictures of family members graves, and many of those are seasonal pictures of Kirk’s, that mom and dad took, that I have no idea what to do with. Maybe Jesus could take all the worry of this funeral stuff away, and just come on down.