Posted in Ephesians

Ephesians 6 :1-9

Ephesians 6:1-9

There is a lot in this chapter to look at. It seems to me even though the theme stays the same, “How to Walk as Christ” the intensity of the walk, the steepness of the climb changes at 10. So I will address 1-9 first. 

6 Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. “Honor your father and mother,” which is the first commandment with promise: “that it may be well with you and you may live long on the earth. Paul gives instruction to children, as we should, expecting them to follow through, as we should. Paul is speaking to children, so they are present at this teaching/instruction  of how to walk as a Christian, not off in ‘children’s Church.’  “the first commandment with promise” referring to the 10 commandments God presented to Moses, and the Israelites. The Law.  So from this comes The Law is something to still be considered, to still use as a tool, an example in the walk as a Christian.  Paul would not have brought it up if it was not.  He points out that this is the first commandment with a promise. Meaning the first ‘Do this and you will have a result, a positive consequence. I personally believe the ‘live long on the earth’  is as simple as ; If you obey your parents and do not run out in the street as they tell  you , you will not be hit by a car and die. The Christy Petty Version.  Our parents are/were there to guide and teach our obedience to them is necessary for our livelihood, our living to be adults ourselves.  When we disobeyed our parents instructions we had consequences.

And you, fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord.    Fathers, probably mothers too? But maybe just fathers, because they had the tendency to provoke? Don’t pick on them, nag them, on worldly selfish things but of the instruction for livelihood, as per instruction guiding from God.  How many things do we ask of our children that have nothing to do with living Godly lives? How many things do we ask of our children that is to satisfy our own worldly ideals? It is the worldly instruction that causes the strife.

Bondservants, be obedient to those who are your masters according to the flesh, with fear and trembling, in sincerity of heart, as to Christ; not with eyeservice, as men-pleasers, but as bondservants of Christ, doing the will of God from the heart, with goodwill doing service, as to the Lord, and not to men,  No slaves today, so we usually apply this to our workplace,employee = slave.  I don’t know if this is correct. I do think it gives us good instruction on the attitude to have to anyone we ‘serve’. Don’t serve begrudgingly serve with a giving heart, even though those we serve may not deserve such respect.  BUT don’t have the attitude to do so as to get praise to get reward to get recognition from MAN, but do the job because you are actually working to please God.  Just as submission to any.

knowing that whatever good anyone does, he will receive the same from the Lord, whether he is a slave or free. We receive the same good we do from the Lord. Here is the Give and receive, we hear in God’s word so often. The twist here though is, if we are doing anything in order to receive, then again we are not working for the right thing, we are working for the reward of our own, not for the gift of the serving itself. And you, masters, do the same things to them, giving up threatening, knowing that your own Master also[b] is in heaven, and there is no partiality with Him. Those that manage, master, employ, are to do so with a giving heart also, not mistreating. The example being God. God shows not partiality to us, so we are not to treat others thus…. Whoa, that one is tough.

So what do you think? Thus far Paul has explained to us/ believers how to walk as one in obedience in Christ. How we can emulate Jesus’ walk. By Paul giving instruction of ‘how to’ we know that this is a choice, something to be learned, and it does not ‘happen’ just because we are believers. We still have to battle the worldly old man in ourselves.

Posted in Adoption, My Adoption Story

Adoption Story 3 -The Find

I had not lost hope in finding my biological family. Actually I knew I would sometime, I had that peace-that -passeth ‘feeling’, about it. Mom and Dad were supportive, in that they would ask occasionally, if anything had turned up. They were interested in information I received. They even offered to help out financially with the legal fees, if it came to that.

Once I sent the letter to the home to state my searching, waiting for my bio to do the same, I basically quit actively searching. I would pray often, probably daily, that God would let me find my mother. I recall one of my ‘intense’ prayers on this, I was out driving alone, probably mad at Keith, pulled off the road in the country and was praying and listening to the radio. The song Somewhere Out There came on, that is one Fivel sang when he was searching his family, I had loved this song, because it so matched my, find-mother thoughts. ‘“Somewhere out there someone(my biological mother who will understand me like no other) is thinking of me”….  I prayed and sang and cried and pleaded with God. You could say the Spirit moved within me, it was a sitting on my Fathers knee and laying my head on His chest moment. I did not know then, but God was working some miracles up then, and got me involved.

Keith and the boys and I had attended  my cousin’s wedding, near San Antonio. It was a great family reunion. I saw my brothers, parents, all the clan. God blessed me with an amazing family. There were 10 of we cousins, 4 boys 6 girls. And we were adding more with weddings and babies at a good steady pace. After the wedding and celebrations, Keith, the boys and I  came through San Antonio and met Keith’s parents for a couple of days of more vacation. Vacation is not something we did very often. At this time of our life, we were usually broke. I think this was my first time to San Antonio since being married, and having kids. I told Keith I really wanted to see the adoption home. It is like  driving past the house you were born in, even if you don’t remember it , you want to see it. Keith agreed and I called the home to see if I needed an appointment.  The social worker first started with not having any more info, I interrupted and explained I was coming to see the place and if she were there I would like to meet her. She said she very much would like to meet me and set up time she would be there. I was not expecting anything but a tour of the campus.

Thinking back to this day, I do not remember anything at all about the home. I don’t remember the social workers face. I don’t remember her name.  What I do remember, changed my life.  We were in the office of the social worker, Keith and I . I suppose we had left the boys with Keith’s parents. The social worker was making small talk, about the home, my parents, my kids. We all must have said something about my searching. She made the statement that she thought I was very well-adjusted and seemed to have a healthy attitude about the possibility bio would not want me to contact her. Not knowing how to respond, I thanked her. After a bit of conversation she stood and said

“ I have something I have to do, and I want you to stay here in my office,I will be back in a few minutes.”

She left. I stood up immediately and seemed to know what to do. God took me and moved me to her desk, showed me, sitting on her desk was an open folder and a piece of paper was sitting there on top with handwritten names. A girl name, first and last underneath that was “Father:” and then his name, last name the same as the girl name, and a town. I grabbed a piece of paper of my own and wrote these three names down. That is all I needed. Keith at first had gone towards the file cabinets, and when I went to the desk and saw this, I must have said “here it is.” I don’t know if Keith knew, being the unadopted ;), that this was all of it. But I did.  I put my note in my purse and moved over to my chair and we waited a few more minutes for the social worker to return. I explained in hushed tones to Keith what I could do with just these three names. Having a real name and a town WAS everything.  I wanted to run out the room right then and start.  The social worker, the angel disguised in human form, returned walked to the desk, closed the file, apologizing for having to leave. She then spoke of hoping my search would go well and she enjoyed meeting us.  We shook hands and held on a bit longer than necessary and left. Nothing else, no hints, winks, or raised eyebrows.  The sun was a bit brighter, the air clear and the sultry Texas heat wrapped it’s arms around me and gave me a hug as I walked out of that building. I do recall that envelope of love. God is an awesome God.

I wanted to go to the library right there in San Antonio. And find what I could find. It was closed. It was Saturday on 4th of July weekend. Bother! Then when we arrived home I was not able to get in the library on Monday, it was Monday July 4th. ARGGGGH.

Tuesday, I was there, I asked the librarian where the phone books, land books were kept, she pointed the way, to the basement. She also explained that there were cross-reference listings, these showed people associated to addresses once you had an address. I did not think that would pertain to my search, but thanked her anyway. My search started a search for the father’s name in the  current phone book for the town. It was not there. Then I looked for the same in the year I was born.  I found it pretty quickly. My heart leapt.   Then I thought, what do I do with this, obviously they have moved, or died. I remembered the cross-reference and had an ‘Aha’ moment (God). I went to the cross-reference and found the name, then all the names of the people who were neighbors of.

I then went to the present phone book and found a couple of people who still lived in the neighborhood and now I had a plan.  Remember, this is pre computer, pre cell phone, so all of this is flipping pages and taking notes and going back home to get to a phone to make an expensive long distance call.

I thought up my story. I was a friend from high school of L and I was trying to track her down. Very simple, and not quite a lie. I called one of the neighbors, they recalled the family, but they did not know them as well as the So and So’s, the other name I had, and suggested I call them. I did, and received all the information I needed. The father (my grandfather had died) L, such a sweet girl, had married just out of high school to Mr. Right.  (Was Mr Right my father? )  They had 3 children. Such a sad thing had recently happened, Mr Right had died a few months ago. (Was this my father?) Now L’s mother (my grandmother) was now battling cancer and they were all going to move to another town to be closer to L’s sister. My heart ached for this mother I never knew. They had a number for L, because my grandmother had given it to them.  WOW. I was given the phone number to call L.  BUT, I had to consider, L. was going through a pretty rough time of her life, this may not be the best time to step up and say “ Hey ‘Mom, remember me?”  I thought on it, prayed on it, called Mom and Dad and talked to them about it, discussed it with Keith.  WE all knew I had to follow through.Look at all the doors God had flung open. I had to prepare myself to her not wanting or being able to do this right now.

A couple of days later, that is all I could wait, I called the number. A female answered, I asked for L. Female explained L, her mother,  is not there and had gone out-of-town to move some things to new home for them, mother, grandmother, herself and brothers. Could she take a message?  My mind is spinning, my heart is thudding, I am speaking to my sister, half, at least, I say No, I would call later, what would be a good time?  My little sister, then asks who I am. I come up with my friend from high school story. Sis then proceeds to give me her Aunts phone number, saying her mom (OUR mom) does not have many friends in her life anymore and how hard it has been with the death of husband/sisters father etc, it would do her good to hear from an old friend.  I took the number and hung up. I pondered. I thought, No, I should not call her , not now, not knowing all the turmoil in her life.”  Then a still small voice told me I should. What better time than when she was with those that definitely ‘knew’. I dialed the number.

Posted in Ephesians

Ephesians 5

Not living ‘as Gentiles, unbelievers and being kind to others, being pleasing to God, not greiving the Holy spirit….5 Therefore be imitators of God as dear children. And walk in love, as Christ also has loved us and given Himself for us, an offering and a sacrifice to God for a sweet-smelling aroma. Christ is OUR sacrifice to God,

But fornication and all uncleanness or covetousness, let it not even be named among you, as is fitting for saints; neither filthiness, nor foolish talking, nor coarse jesting, which are not fitting, but rather giving of thanks. For this you know,[a] that no fornicator, unclean person, nor covetous man, who is an idolater, has any inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and God. If unclean, speak foolishly, coarsly,covet, worship anything other than God, fornicate you will receive nothing from the kingdom 6 Let no one deceive you with empty words, for because of these things the wrath of God comes upon the sons of disobedience.Therefore do not be partakers with them.  These things, even if someone tells you they are ‘ok’ are not, this is disobedience to God. Do not do as they do, do not be with these people that do such. Remove yourself from this influence.For you were once darkness, but now you are light in the Lord.  Walk as children of light (for the fruit of the Spirit[b] is in all goodness, righteousness, and truth),10 finding out what is acceptable to the Lord. You did as those of the world, but now you know better, do as the one you follow, Jesus Christ.11 And have no fellowship with the unfruitful works of darkness, but rather expose them.  Do not have a relationship with those who are worldly, instead show others, their evil, their darkness, by your light, your choosing to not be as they. Expose the evil for what it is.12 For it is shameful even to speak of those things which are done by them in secret.  ? “them” want to keep it secret. 13 But all things that are exposed are made manifest by the light, for whatever makes manifest is light.14 Therefore He says:  to expose the darkness/evil by our light(Christ) makes the evil known so that others can see it for what it is.

“Awake, you who sleep,Arise from the dead,And Christ will give you light.”

15 See then that you walk circumspectly, not as fools but as wise, don’t blindly follow, know what you are following. Use the brain God gave you16 redeeming the time, because the days are evil. KNOW what you are doing,understand educate17 Therefore do not be unwise, but understand what the will of the Lord is. 18 And do not be drunk with wine, in which is dissipation; it is a waste of time of self, can not produce anything drunk. but be filled with the Spirit, let the Holy Spirit take up your time,  your life, not a waste.19 speaking to one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody in your heart to the Lord, 20 giving thanks always for all things all things, all things, all things be thankful for. to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, 21 submitting to one another in the fear of God.[cGive way to other believers, in respect of God. With the leading of Holy Spirit, by choosing to speak God’s word, Psalms, worship with by giving thanks for all things, we are submitting to others… In addition to submitting to all believers22 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. Respect your husband, obey your husband place him as the leader of you just as you place God in this place23 For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body.24 Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything.Appreciate, the sacrifice made for you by your husband, just as you appreciate the sacrifice Christ made for you25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her,Christ died for the church, took on pain for the church, was scourged for the church, and did not deserve. Christ did not do any of this to get anything from us, it was a gift. This is sacrificial love  Husbands are to love wives without the gaurantee of return. 26 that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, Christ did this to benefit the church, to cleanse the church27 that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish. This removed any ‘wrong’ covered the sins of the church, Christ no longer looks on these, only the perfection he has covered the church with 28 So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. The wife, being presented as unblemished by the husband to himself shall be cared for and loved as he loves and cares for himself.  29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord doesthe church.  30 For we are members of His body,[d] of His flesh and of His bones.  Beleivers are a ‘part’ of Christ. A wife is a ‘part’ of the husband31 “For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.”[e] 32 This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church. I think this is saying -not as in sex, but in spirit, just as Christ is one with a believer 33 Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.– Husbands choose to love wife, to allow, to give to, to care for, to indulge, to discipline, to nurture just as you do yourself, you can not be selfish, because you are giving to her as yourself.  Wives, know your husband as the head, the one who sacrifices self for you.  All of this ‘submit’ /love/respect is a choice. A choice between walking as a believer in Christ or one in the darkness. 

What do you think? 

Posted in Adoption, My Adoption Story

Adoption Story 2 -The Search

In the 60’s open adoptions did not exist. Names were changed or deleted to protect the innocent. Unwanted pregnancies, illegitimate children were morally shameful and those involved were shunned, so no one wanted to be connected to such, ever again. Adoption records were sealed and placed in a mystical locked vault somewhere in nowhere land. Court orders were needed to open the vault. Those wanting to open records, be it the adopted or the bio mother had to prove need, such as medical, and that would have to be dire need, such as no other kidney in all the universe could be used. This is all the daunting information on finding out the From -Whenst -I- Came information .In addition to this I was also told of the turmoil I could cause my bio. if she did not want to be found. The latter, became a concern of mine. But I still had to search, I HAD to.

I knew a little about ‘them’ , I had notes my mother had taken , I suppose in one of the interviews, or maybe when they picked me up.One side said ‘Mother’ the other ‘Father’ with a line drawn somewhat down the middle. Listed were their ages, grades completed.The number and sex of siblings and their ages and eye and hair colors. Their parents and ages and hair and eye color and education, degree or not. I did treasure this paper, and it’s information, I imagined my parents, and how they lived, the houses they occupied, the family dinners they shared from this paper. The home also provided a similar type written paper for Mom and Dad, the age of eye color, hair color, very basic. I could find them if knowing the age, eye color and amount of siblings one had was enough.

After having Lee, my first child, I became serious about searching. I was 19. (Yes married, yes within the ‘time frame’ yes we planned it , yes I WAS young. No I do not regret any of it!.)After a bit of research on how to search I contacted MMH to find if they had any contact with my bio mother or family. This, I learned, would be the best scenario, her asking to contact then me contacting then the home would get us together. No best scenario though, no contact from the bio. Once I took the step to contact the home, they were very helpful, and ‘assigned’ me a social worker, basically. I was ‘given’ to someone who would explain all the legalities of and protocol and, I think, council me a bit as we discussed things. I asked lots of and lots of questions for anything they had on file that they could share. I had read also to get a relationship with the case workers and someday if there was information to be had, then someone may drop a hint or make a mistake and let something out. My hope. One day I received some papers in the mail, most were the same as those my parents had and had given to me, except one had the name ‘Baby Girl Gann’ on it. I had a name! This was in the 80’s pre everyone has a computer and way way before internet and Google. So I was back in the library to find out more of what to do. I found that this was still no where near enough information, I needed at least a place of origin to be on any kind of trail. So I started calling the home again, about once a month. This is in the 80s pre historic technological time, there was no such thing as free long distance anywhere , ever. No cell phones. Definitely no home computers or internet. I would call just after paying a phone bill and have 3 weeks to wait till Keith found I had made another too long, long distance call and catch hell scrape up the money pay the bill wait three weeks and…. I was getting nothing. We had no money for any kind of legal open the record fees, heck couldn’t even afford 10 minute calls to San Antonio.

Life moved on, and making it from paycheck to paycheck and raising a child, children (Brian is 18 months younger than Lee) and family took precedent, as it should. Finding ‘her’ was always in the back of my mind, though. If we were visiting another town, I would grab a phone book and look up Gann, knowing that she was remarried and I had no way of knowing which Gann might be her family, still I felt I was doing something. One time we were playing with a Ouija Board with friends, (we were NOT Satan worshipers, just thought it was a game, we were naive) I asked ole Ouija my mothers name, it spelled out Daisy Gann, in some town I forget now. ‘It’ did spell out the “Gann’ and of course out of curiosity of the game and … I called info for Daisy Gann in the town. There was one. I got the number, I called it. I had to, right? I mean what are the chances of Ouija giving a name that actually exists in the town it tells me of AND it be bogus? Well this poor woman answered I go through the whole thing of how I came to her name first, then I tell of why I was searching , I got a real long silence for a response then a very cold response, “I gave up a baby a few years ago, ‘good bye’, then hang up. I don’t know what I did, but it was something very very wrong. I will not ever touch a Ouija board again,nor believe there is nothing to that evil thing again!! This was one of those moments in my life where I did REALity check. I was relying, obviously, on my might my expertise and not God. I gave the whole thing over to Him, asked him to lead, open doors, bring us together, how HE willed. I meant it, believed it, and let go.

I had a notebook of notes of conversations with the adoption home and documents I received from them, I would gather it and set myself up on the floor when I made my calls to the home. I remember ,soon after my ‘let go and let Him decision, making a check in call to the home, sitting on the floor with my notes sprawled before me, boys taking a nap, I had been passed to a new ‘case worker’(by God), I explained all I had done and asked if any more information had come in, like my bio mother calling. The new caseworker did me a HUGE help that day. She said ‘you know Baby Girl Gann is the name your mother or the home chose to give you don’t you?” I did not understand. She explained that the girls many times would just choose a name for the babies, or let the home, so their name was not associated with the baby, just in case. So all this time I had searched out Gann’s and harassed some poor woman Ouija sent me to I was going on a fake name. Crap. OR Thank God, for getting me on the right path!

This social worker and I ended up developing a pretty good relationship. I talked to her a lot about why I wanted to find my bio. More than curiosity, but less than an obsession. I felt drawn to. After having my own children and finally having this family, something is actually a part of me connection, I never ever had before, I just could not see how my biological mother would not want to at least see me, even if it was to walk away afterwards. I wanted to know medical history, I wanted to know if there were siblings, I wanted to know if I lived next door to someone I was related to. I also did not want to mess up anything for my bio family. I knew that possibly she had never told any one of me. What a mess that would be for her if I showed up. I told my case worker of the presenting stories I had made up so as not to ‘out’ my bio in my search. This case worker explained to me that opening the records could cause her to be outed, depending on the circumstances. I did not want this. The social worker had a letter put on file for me, that I wanted to be contacted if my bio contacted. I had come to a point where I needed to wait and see what would come of my prayers and hopes.

Posted in Ephesians

Ephesians 4

4 I, therefore, the prisoner of the Lord, beseech you- Since you are all saved and are Children of God, believers to walk worthy of the calling with which you were called, with all lowliness and gentleness, with longsuffering, bearing with one another in love, endeavoring to keep the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.Be humble,not proud,we are called to walk just as Jesus walked. We are to not have conflict to work towards being by the Holy Spirit we, believers all posses 4 There is one body and one Spirit, just as you were called in one hope of your calling; one Lord, one faith, one baptism;one God and Father of all, who is above all, and through all, and in you[a] all. Not Jew Gentile,Baptist Pentecost, all who beleive in Jesus Christ for who HE IS are ONE through him.But to each one of us grace was given according to the measure of Christ’s gift. 8  I need help here!!!Therefore He says:

“When He ascended on high,
He led captivity captive,
And gave gifts to men.”[b]

(Now this, “He ascended”—what does it mean but that He also first[c] descended into the lower parts of the earth? 10 He who descended is also the One who ascended far above all the heavens, that He might fill all things.) I think this is Paul making point to those who are not accepting Jesus to have come, died and gone to ‘death’ and ascended from.’11 And He Himself gave some to be apostles, some prophets, some evangelists, and some pastors and teachers, 12 for the equipping of the saints for the work of ministry, for the edifying of the body of Christ, this is the ‘gifts, measure’ spoken of in 7 &8 ? 13 till we all come to the unity of the faith and of the knowledge of the Son of God, to a perfect man, to the measure of the stature of the fullness of Christ; We are to be taught, learn, teach others, grow in wisdom and faith so that… 14 that we should no longer be children, tossed to and fro and carried about with every wind of doctrine, by the trickery of men, in the cunning craftiness of deceitful plotting, Men, even believers,immature can be speaking lies, twisting the truth, causing many to be confused lead them astray15 but, speaking the truth in love, Truth in Love, speak Gods truths, even if they go against what some may want to believe false doctrine Paul was.- So we ALL….may grow up in all things into Him who is the head—Christ— 16 from whom the whole body, joined and knit together by what every joint supplies, according to the effective working by which every part does its share, each person has a ‘job’ to do. causes growth of the body for the edifying of itself in love.17 This I say, therefore, and testify in the Lord, that you should no longer walk as the rest of[d] the Gentiles walk, Those that do not know the truth, those who have not been taught the truth in the futility of their mind, 18 having their understanding darkened, being alienated from the life of God, because of the ignorance that is in them, because of the blindness of their heart; 1who, being past feeling, have given themselves over to lewdness, to work all uncleanness with greediness.20 But you have not so learned Christ, 2if indeed you have heard Him and have been taught by Him, as the truth is in Jesus: In order to NOT be ignorant, blind to God, to not walk in lewdness, uncleanness with greediness we must… 22 that you put off,choose concerning your former conduct, the old man- old ways, OUR FLESH WAY which grows corrupt according to the deceitful lusts, 23 and be renewed in the spirit of your mind, 24 and that you put on choose the new man, child of God, not of the world which was created according to God, in true righteousness and holiness.25 Therefore, putting away lying,Let each one of you speak truth with his neighbor,”[e] for we are members of one another. 26 “Be angry, and do not sin” It is ok to be angry, but do not sin in the anger:[f] do not let the sun go down on your wrath,27 nor give place to the devil. 28 Let him who stole steal no longer, but rather let him labor, working with his hands WORK, we are to work, to not work and receive would be to steal!what is good, that he may have something to give him who has need. We work to GIVE to those in need!29 Let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth, but what is good for necessary edification, that it may impart grace to the hearers. VERY Convicting, NO Corrupt word, only what will edify, help others. This is on the tail of speak the truth in love, and do not lie.  So to speak truthfully and tell one of even WRONGS would not be corrupt, it is truth in love, BUT to speak lies, speak to one for selfish needs would be wrong. 3And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. 31 Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and evil speaking be put away from you, with all malice. All of this would go with the contempt, and the correct way to walk 4:2, humble as Christ 32 And be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you. Forgive as God in Christ forgave you, we are forgiven by God for denying Him, for choosing Satan and all of his ways over God and his righteousness, for disobedience to God, for bringing sin in this world and keeping it here. We were forgiven by God, through the death of Jesus Christ.

Anyone have any other thoughts…..

Posted in Adoption, My Adoption Story

Adoption Story -Typical Part 1

My adoption story has two parts, the typical What The Adoption Home Lets You Know and growing up knowing that story and the Fill in the Blank story after I found my bio family.

The typical: My bio mother and father were teenagers and by the ‘luck’ of things bio mother became pregnant. In the 60’s it was not easy on anyone involved in teenage pregnancies. The best option was to give the babies for adoption. My bio mother took that option and went to an adoption home to finish out the pregnancy and put me up for adoption.  My parents were wanting a daughter, my mother was advised after her second son to not have more children, I think she had a hysterectomy soon before adopting me. First they looked into adopting an older child, around 3 or 4. My mother’s uncle a district judge advised them to adopt an infant, because older children at times would have issues to deal with and sometimes the adoptions actually had more red tape than infants from homes. (He, knowing my mom, he may have known she would not have the patience to ‘handle’ a child with any ‘extra’ needs) So my parents put in their application to the Methodist Mission Home in San Antonio. Back ‘in the day’ the MMH would try to match the bio parents physical appearance to the adopting family appearance. In January, when my bio mother arrived at the home, my parents were contacted with the announcement of IF I was a girl they had a perfect match. I have a miniature tea cup and saucer with the January carnation on it, from my grandmother, commemorating the ‘time’ they first heard they would be getting me.  Four months later in April I was born and I was (still am) a girl, so my parents received their call and 7 days later arrived in San Antonio to pick me up. From that day on I was and forever will be Marvin and Patsy’ daughter.

I have always known I was adopted. I do not have a time that Mom and Dad sat me down and explained it to me. They just always told me. I guess at sometime I must have asked for clarification of it’s meaning, but it must have been at a young age. As far back as I can remember, which is probably 4ish, I could explain that my mother that carried me in her stomach gave me to my parents because she loved me so much she wanted me to have a mother and father and two brothers. My parents said when I was  2 years old, I would toddle around the local restaurant to the other diners and hold up 2 fingers and say “ I ‘dopted.”  There was never that moment I had to grasp what had ‘happened’ to me. I have been adopted just as I had blond hair and blue eyes, only difference is my hair has turned darker and grey and my eyes became hazel green when I was about 10,  I am not blond and blue eyed, but I am ‘dopted.

Being adopted is to me the same being a girl, being human, it is just who I am. My informing others of my being adopted comes up now and again. Usually I would bring it up, I kind of like the specialness of being adopted. I liked getting the attention, it made me stand out a bit, and usually I did not. Sometimes something irksome would come from others knowing, like the time my close friend Craig was jeering me for not knowing who my real mom was. His payback came when our other neighbor friend informed him he was adopted too. It really did rock his world, I don’t think he ever recovered! Other irksome times are when people will call my parents foster parents, or more ignorant, step parents, it does not hurt me really, just astounds me how ignorant people are of adoption, which then make me feel a bit odd.

Other times I would become aware is when family would sit about and talk about family members of the history, the greats, those that fought in Alamo, Civil war, fought indians, the ‘proud’ talk of lineage.  I would love to hear of it, and take credit for being part of it, but knew in my heart I really was not anymore connected to General Lee than Davy Crockett was. I was, am , proud to call them all my ancestors, but again in my heart of hearts. I know…..

When I was a teen my mother and I battled a bit. Mom did not battle just with me, she battled my brothers, so it was not ‘just’ that I was adopted and we did not ‘think’ alike. In the heat of the moment I would, at time, pull the adopted card and explain to her she could not tell me what to do because she was not my real mother. My real mother would not treat me in such a manner. Just crappy, mean, teenage, attitude at work, my adoption gave me a bit of mud to sling at times. One time after a rant of how misunderstood I was and that my real mother would not treat me thus and I wished I could be with her instead, my mom proceeded to tell me that my real mom would probably not take me back the way I was acting.  Damn, that one shut me up!

I was always curious about my biological mother. Thought especially about her on my birthday, and  she would think of me then, we would be thinking of each other, so poetic. Wondered if she was some rich princess or movie star. I never thought of her as being anything negative, Mom and Dad never portrayed her to be anything but a good person who made a loving choice to give me up, I could not think ill of her. In high school years I did justify my ‘promiscuity’ because, of course my mother had been also, but that was just me dealing with my own bad decisions and guilt from them.

I always wanted to find my bio mother. ALWAYS. Always knew her age, added 16 to mine. Imagined where she would be at that time of her life what she would look like. When I had my first child I knew I HAD to find her. I started the search. This is where the second part of my adoption story, of filling in the blanks begins,and this post ends….

Posted in Christy's Concepts

I DO Have Friends

A friend asked me a question of my feelings on a certain matter then if it was affecting my friends or my relationships with them.  My first response was “ I don’t have friends.” The two friends with me, responded with the “yes you do’s” etc.  I kept responding with “ No not really.” I think now that was pretty rude of me. To them and all of my dear coveted friends.  The two sitting before me I was trying to convince that I did not, ARE definitely friends.

When I said I did not have friends I was not saying in a pitiful way “ No one likes me.”  Plenty of people like me, and I them. I probably like more people than like me and more people like me than I know.  It is not that I do not consider many people my friends, I do I really do. I do apologize to the friends I looked in the eye and said ” I have no friends.” to, how RUDE of me! I apologize to all my friends,my friends of past, and present, my internet blog friends, my ‘family’ friends, those who will read this and those who may never read this, ‘Ode to Friends’, I am sorry I do not appreciate you!

My explanation: I do refer to just about everyone I know as a ‘friend’. If speaking of So And So, who I have not seen or spoken to for 20 years, I will say “ My friend So And So did….” If anyone has reciprocated any kindness to me, a returned phone call, an email response, clicked ACCEPTED or FOLLOW on Facebook, or Pinterest, they ARE my friend. I consider many my friends, even if they may not me, being my friend is not conditional on your liking me, but me liking you.  This I learned from my youngest son, Evan.

When Evan was about 12 he came home from a gathering at church saying his friends that he had known for about 8 years, had treated him badly. Evan has some learning disabilities, just enough to make him ‘different’. At the age of 12 the boys are all coming to a place where they are all a bit odd, and Evan’s oddness was just something they did not want to include in the mix, anymore. Well, he told me of the cruel things these friends for years spoke to him, Momma Bear got PISSED. I explained to Evan how wrong they were, and that I was sorry for the cruelty he had endured and that they were not his friends, friends did not do that. Evan’s face became very stern and he said ‘NO’, I thought to say no he would not endure such cruelty again. He said “ NO, they are my friends” I thought he did not understand what I had explained, and started again to tell him people who are friends do not treat their friends as such. He interrupted to say “ No Mom , They MY friends, not like me but me like them.” He literally shrugged his shoulders and went on about the day.  Lesson learned, by Mom.

I don’t have a friend that comes and see’s me unannounced, and walks in the front door and makes herself a cup of coffee and chats with me while I shower. I don’t have a friend that I call, and go paint the town with. instead of with husband. I don’t have friends who call me or I call to tell of the upcoming Pap, or mammogram, or the worry of the bad results of. I don’t clothes shop with friends, I will wander shop, like antique mall, gift shop ,flea market, malling, but not a real ‘mission’ shop. My friends, local and out of townies, I will have one on one times with maybe 3 times a year, maybe. What I meant by my “ I don’t have friends” is complicated. I suppose I am comparing to the T.V. ‘Friends’ and my gleaned idea of friendship relationships from what I think they are suppose to look like, and I don’t have that.

When my friend, an out of townie, was asking what my friends thought of… “I have no friends that I relate to that way, other than you.” would have been a better response. And I do not think this a bad thing.  I don’t feel comfortable presenting all my life events, my problems, with my friends. I blog about it, but don’t call up and talk about it.  I welcome their knowing, asking what’s up, and telling me their life events. I, if they are interested, will disclose way more than anyone wants to hear. Complicated

Somewhere in the past I got the idea that I am pretty damn boring and unimportant and for me to call or talk to people about ‘me things’ is just a waste of their time. So I pulled back, stopped calling, stopped approaching, started waiting for my friends to make the first move. This has, I believe, limited the depth of my relationships with my friends. I am not a very ‘good’ friend to others, by my trying to be a good friend and not subject them to my mundane life. Complicated

I am not an initiator, I don’t like to make decisions that involve other people, ask Keith. I am a loner,an introvert. I love to be with other people, to chat about mundane, to share life’s joys and sorrows. I open my heart and home to my friends at any time they have a need or need a drink a shoulder a pillow a meal… I absolutely LOVE LOVE LOVE interaction with my friends, I treasure those times. Yet, I do not feel comfortable calling same friends up on a boring afternoon just to chat, I do not want to interfere with their goings on. Complicated

I hear my friends speak of goings on in their lives, interactions with their friends, even my husbands recent ski trip with guys. I hear of the antics, it sounds like episodes of  Friends.  I have never experienced that. This is where I come up with “ I don’t have friends.” Not like that. I assume THAT is what people mean by having a friend. And we know what ASSUME does, it makes and ASS out of U and ME.  This time I believe I am the only ASS.  I should never compare such a treasure as a friendship to a television show, or an idea, I should look at all of them for what they are, blessings from God.