Posted in 50 in 50 days, Family

42 to 50- Grandma day

Glorious day!  This was my first ALL my Grandboys day! I have had some granddaughter days, and a few all one family days, and those always involve girls. but never an all grand boy day. So fun! LIke the days I had ‘just’ boys.  The weather cooporated too, so we got to go out side and play some, feed the horses snacks, dig in the dirt, play with the dogs, throw some dirt a bit, it was good!

When the girls come and I say  “Lets go out side and…. .”  I usually get  Why? or  “But the doggies might tear my dress up dress”. Can’t we paint something instead? ” Or Cheyanne will ask “Can we look for horny toads/or frogs/ or lizards/?” and then “Why can’t we find horny toads/frongs or lizards after no looking and enough noise and shreiks  and whining about the stickers, dogs, heat/cold  from little sister, has almost run me away with the lizard toads and frogs.  I LOVE the girls, but they are sooooooooooo much harder to ‘please’ than the boys. Always in need.  I suppose this is from growing up with only boys and having only boys.  Boys seem to just do. Girls need to socialize and verbalize when they do.

So the boys and I needed to go and get the foster pup some food. On the way to the shop all the dogs were spoken to and tails were grabbed, rocks picked up and dropped again. We stopped by Evan’s apartment, he was home one more day after going on an antibiotic for throat infection. Evan had all of his matchbox car collection out, the boys were in heaven. Ty 4, Law, practically 3 and Colton 2 1/2 all drop to their knees and start driving and making car noises perfectly and, stating in their various stages of language, ‘tractor’ ‘truck’ race car’, helicopter’ bus’ . The next trip was to give the horses snacks, Colton who loves the horses from a distance was not as keen of big horse right next to him, so I held him as the other boys gave the snacks.  Back in the shop Colton found a cap to put on, just till he got to the door then he spied a helmet, threw the cap on the floor, which Ty picked up and put on, and put on the helmet. Law looked at them both like they were nuts to have something on their heads, other than a cowboy hat. We then went in grabbed a Glutino ‘oreo’ and headed for nap time.

At nap time, I first tried to put Colton down in the crib as his mom had suggested. There was no way that would happen, even with the helmet. His two older cousins were not in the baby bed  he was not going to have such and insult. So they all three lay in the bed, I below their feet reading the book Ty picked out, The 3 Little Pigs, and holding the book up so they could see the pictures. I made voices for each pig different and a big deep voice for the wolf, and huffed and puffed myself till I had a coughing fit.  The book is one I had as a child, so it is not so watered down as the 3 littlle pig story they have heard before, they were shocked to here that that big bad wolf dropped into the boiling water and boiled up, and that was the end of him.  Ty said “The wolf usuwally runned away, and didn’t die. I guess that is ok though. “I toughened em up today. 😉 and then they slept. DSCF3011

Posted in 50 in 50 days

When I Die……

Keith and I went to a friends, mother’s funeral today. It was a couple of hour drive so we had a bit of time to talk about, our funerals and our ideas of an ideal funeral for ourselves. Of course the irony in planning your own funeral, you won’t be there to enjoy it, or know if those alive have followed through with your request, and I really doubt we will care much at that point either 😉

The funeral we attended was in a nice smaller town Methodist church. This lady was truly loved, the church was almost full, the family came in and filled about 6 rows.  This church was fairly old, it was a ‘1st’, the stain glassed windows were beautiful and the wooden pews made me feel in ‘church’, instead of a theater, as I do now in our newly built church. It brought back memories of  my grandparents church, another 1st Methodist, in Anson TX. It IS a beautiful OLD church.  The original church was built in 1908 (more was added when I was about 6) The sanctuary has dark wood floors, that creaked and echoed when you walked down the aisle, dark massive wooden pews, and stained glass windows all around, I loved looking at those windows during the service.

I thought of the funerals I have attended, not a lot, but a few. A few of those too too young to die. When Kirk died I started missing more funerals. It was not that they upset me, or I could not handle them, I just got the idea that the families might rather have their privacy.  I think I must have felt that way a bit at Kirk’s funeral.  Then I started to realize IF there is a service, it is because the families DO want their loved one to be recognized, it gives a sense of pride to know these people want to ‘honor’ your loved one.   I, like so many others, don’t attend the funerals of ‘older people’ as much as I attend the funerals of younger. This is obvious by the standing room only of those very young that die and the empty pews of a 70 yr olds service.  I know see how much comfort it brings the spouse of the 70 with  hugs and well wishes, and the grown children a sense of pride from the numbers of people who attend the funeral.

Funerals have changed since my grandparents died 30 some odd years ago, from a church service of describing the deceased and giving a quick sermon of faith and hope and maybe an invitation to believe before it is too late, with an optional invitation to attend the  graveyard service.  It is now a slide show of the deceased, solos and music productions, stories of the deceased from several in the crowd, to a preaching  ending with instructions of how to get to the graveside with not much option to miss, with a meal following in the fellowship hall. The graveyard is usually a lengthy preaching and reading all it own, with another long line of hugs and sympathy.

I suppose thinking bout funerals could be morbid to some, but it is just a part of life actually. We do all die. It seems like no one want’s to talk about it. My thought is to have a yearly write up of all the things I would want said to all those I love, rewrite it every year I survive another. Being 50 I am pretty sure I am closer to dying than living.  There is a small chance I am only halfway there, but still it is inevitable.

So after a bit of talk I think I like the idea of 1 service, either at the church or at the graveside, not both. I would like  headstone, so years later my ancestors can trace me into their tree with ‘Find A Grave. com.  Though I do have several pictures of family members graves, and many of those are seasonal pictures of Kirk’s, that mom and dad took, that I have no idea what to do with. Maybe Jesus could take all the worry of this funeral stuff away, and just come on down.

Posted in 50 in 50 days

46 days to 50- Age Old Question

What is my purpose in life? This is a wonder I think we all have at some point in our lives.

The  happenings of life,struggles, success’, trials,births, failures, tragedies,  deaths, interventions, blessings, the ‘Wonder Why?” of lives. 50 years of wonder has given me answer. 50 years of wonder has given me the reason for my happenings. To make purpose of me.IMG_1635

The purpose of life is to glorify God.Isaiah 43:7Everyone who is called by My name,Whom I have created for My glory;I have formed him, yes, I have made him.”I do that by becoming what He intends me to be.  He is the potter I am the clay. Isaiah 64:8 But now, O Lord, You are our Father; We are the clay, and You our potter; And all we are the work of Your hand.  The happenings; His hands on my life, my yeilding, or not, to His molding, the water, the temperature, the air flow, the glaze, the firing,all of this is what makes me. The difference in me and clay, I have a choice to conform-Believe,obey,abide.

The Negatives and positives happenings are necessary to make our purpose.

James 1:2 My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, 3 knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience. 4 But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing. 5 If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all liberally and without reproach, and it will be given to him. 6 But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for he who doubts is like a wave of the sea driven and tossed by the wind. 7 For let not that man suppose that he will receive anything from the Lord; 8 he is a double-minded man, unstable in all his ways.

It is Satan that brings our doubt. Satan/the world has taught us that no good can come from the bad. This is not true.This leads to hopelessness.  We have to put away that way of thinking ,that doubt   Ephesians 4: 22 to oput off pyour old self,6 which belongs to your former manner of life and is corrupt through qdeceitful desires, 23 and rto be renewed in the spirit of your minds, 24 and to put on sthe new self, tcreated after the likeness of God in true righteousness and holiness. And once we remove the doubt we can literally do all things.

 Matthew 21:21So Jesus answered and said to them, “Assuredly, I say to you, if you have faith and do not doubt, you will not only do what was done to the fig tree, but also if you say to this mountain, ‘Be removed and be cast into the sea,’ it will be done.

My being adopted is a happening,God purposed to make me me.  Satan has used it to throw (wonder)doubt of my need for existence.

Why didn’t my bio mother keep me? Why did I have to be ‘abandoned’? Why do I exist, since my own did not want me? Am I an accident to even God? If I am then I was not intended to be. What purpose is there in me, in my being born, if no one wanted me anyway?

What a bunch of crap Satan has dished out in doubt!!  God planned me even if my bio’s did not. Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.

God created me on purpose Psalm 139:13 For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother’s womb.

For purpose Colossians 1:16b all things were created by him and for him Ephesians 2:10 10 For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them

My adoption has shown the purpose for 50 years.  I can preach the value of, the meaning of unconditional love, because I received that from my parents, my family. I know what that is.  I know what it is to be adopted to become what you were not born of. I understand the relation  believers have with our adoption from sin/Satan to our Father God.  I have witnessed the mighty hand of God in His reaching past mans laws and choices to bring my bio’s and me together. I know reconciliation as the prodigal son. I know faith hope and grace because of my adoption happening.

Trial happenings in : Evan  born with congenital deformity, and more. Kirk dying 6 weeks later. These trials added to the at least monthly dashes to the hospital with Brian’s ‘attacks’ from, what we years later found were, esophagus spasms from ulcers from untreated celiac. The  question “Why does God do bad things to us?”  was presented to me sometime in the midst of this. Had it not been for the happenings of great mentors (Mamaw, Mamie, Dad) and teachings from God in the past  I would not have known the answer. God does not do these bad things. God does not cause the ‘bad’ on purpose, but he does make purpose out of it all.

Evan. He has purpose, is purpose, gave me purpose. He was predicted to be exceptional even before he was born, none expected that included him being ‘less than perfect’ by the worlds standards.  That lack of worldly perfection has shown me, and others God measures perfection by different standards than we. I learned God speaks audibly, I just have to listen. God speaks, sometimes I just don’t understand. That does not make God wrong, nor me. I just need to learn to understand. What he says, like Evan is not always what I expect, but it is right. Evan asphyxiated and died and was brought back to life, 3 months after his cleft was repaired. I was on my knees in my home, as the paramedics were trying to find an airway, I cried out “ You just gave him back, why are you taking him.” God responded as loudly as those calling out from the bedroom, that they had an airway “ I am not TAKING him, he is always mine.” God speaks, in volumes. This statement meant more than Evan was now breathing.

Kirk dying at such a young age, was not what God desired for him. But ,choices made, led Kirk’s physical life to end here.  God saw the whole picture, Kirk reached his purpose with God. Kirk is eternalScan 125, the love he had from and of God will exist in his art, his music, our hearts, his daughter and grandchildren. John 10:27 nMy sheep hear my voice, and I know them, and they follow me. 28 oI give them eternal life, and pthey will never perish, and qno one will snatch them out of my hand  My fears of death were relieved as I mourned my brother, and wondered if my 6 week old son would survive.  God makes a purpose OF our tragedy.

The happenings of my children. Gives me purpose.  God showed me his purpose for me and my existence, his perfect purpose and design for my children,  in each conception. There was opportunity, before marriage for me to have become pregnant, I had ‘unprotected’ sex before I was married.  My son’s were each conceived through 1 ‘try’ without protection. With each pregnancy a prayer was for each to have exceptionally beautiful eyes. Each do, and each exceptional. Lee has almost black eyes deep and always smiling,IMG_3186 Brian has hazel eyes, huge with gorgeous lashes, brian and his 3Evan has  blue eyes framed by dark black lashes.DSCF3014  I prayed for my third baby to have O blood, not wanting him to suffer through the ABO factor my other two did, because their being A and myself O. Evan has O blood. My happenings have taught me prayers are answered no matter how small. Ask and I shall receive.

The Celiac/gluten intolerant gene that courses through our blood, a happening that has effects for myself, my son, my family and everyone that I can reach. The years of searching for a diagnosis and cure, strengthened our faith in God. We learned we could not, should not depend on man to heal, the great healer is God and the doctors only a tool. I see the miracle in Brian’s health and growth in spite of horrible illness The strength and courage God placed in that little boy was inspiring.  God gave me the desire and will to accept this life change, as a positive, for us all. We have been given many opportunity to share and support. Lives will be changed, maybe even saved, because we have been blessed with gluten intolerance.  John 15:16–1716 You did not choose me, but zI chose you and appointed you that you should go and abear fruit and that your fruit should abide, so that bwhatever you ask the Father in my name, he may give it to you.

The house that God built. Building our house happened. We were given the opportunity, the resources to build the house beyond our dreams. God placed the idea in our hearts. He educated us in Financial Peace. We learned to rely on God for everything; the sell, the profit, the workers we hired, the weather,the 5th wheel we found comfort in for a year, the design of the home, the materials we bought. I literally stand on the firm foundation everyday and know HE is my Provider, my Rock.

Life could have happened differently. Bio’s could have married and kept me. Mom and Dad could have ‘taken me back’ at the 6 month trial time. Kirk could have laid on the couch instead of going outside and falling in drive. We could have ignored Brian’s illness, and just pumped him with meds. I could have skipped giving Evan the food he choked on. But that is not how it happened. God knew that before it began. God knew the wrong decisions I would make, the few right ones too He knew the hurts I would suffer. God has provided the fixes and strengths all the while to make me a vessel for Him.

The ultimate strength, the major happening,  is the snoring lump I wake up next to every day. I would not be without him. He really does complete me and I him. fall 1980Genesis 2:24 Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.  16 years into my creation, the Potter added Keith, at the lake in cowboy boots and a swimming suit.  I was weak and mushy making all kinds of bad decisions and pretty much alone, I needed someone, I needed direction, I needed strength, so God added Keith, the polymer to my clay. Of all of the happenings in my life Keith is the only one that would not have happened differently. Maybe a different time or place, but I know Keith and I were planned by God specifically. Eve for Adam, Sarah for Abraham, Rebekah for Isaac Christy for Keith… all planned specifically by God, for God.IMG_2315 My purpose on this earth is to be Keith’s, his lover, his helper, his irritant, his support, his adored, all for the glory of God. Ephesians 5:23 (23 For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its SaviorDSCF3002

PURPOSE: the reason for which something is done or created or for which something exists

The REASON God threw me on that wheel 50 years ago?

Ephesians 14 just as He chose us in Him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and without blame before Him in love, 5 having predestined us to adoption as sons by Jesus Christ to Himself, according to the good pleasure of His will.